Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

mushaContributor03 Oct 2016, 9:36 pm AEDT

Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Mental illness hurts everyone around me.

I hate myself for it.

Hurting myself would remove the pain that everyone else experiences because of my existence. Mental illness is damaging to people. You cannot contribute properly to society. I feel useless because of it. I just want to disappear.

Ive had 14 years of hell since diagnosis and all the treatment, medication, psychotherapy, ECT and hospital admissions has not gotten rid of my want to end my life.

Im exhausted. I think some people should end themselves because they do nothing to enrich others lives. I believe I am one of them. I hate myself, I hate living.

10 replies

1 - 10 of 10

In response to: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

KurraSenior Contributor03 Oct 2016, 10:01 pm AEDT

Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Hi @musha

Unfortunately many of us here have felt the way you do at the moment. It's very hard to see anything good about living when you feel like this.

You're saying that your mental illness hurts everyone around you. What makes you feel that you're hurting them?
People who don't have a mental illness can find it hard to understand how you feel but most people do want to see you get better.
Do you want to talk a bit more about how you're feeling? We care about you. Hugzzz

In response to: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

QueenieSenior Contributor03 Oct 2016, 10:14 pm AEDT

Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Hey @musha have those close to you indicated that mental illness is hurting them? Often it is more misunderstandings around the illness which causes hurt, rather than the illness itself.

I often feel I cannot contribute properly to society either, but if I were to harm myself and take myself out of the picture, I know they'd be plenty who'd be absolutely devastated and be filled with more pain than I could imagine. I'm sure your loved ones would feel the same way about you too. You say you don't enrich anyone's lives, but I'm sure if you were not here, they'd be plenty who would be devastated. There are times when I think I can't or won't recover, but it is possible and I cling to that belief above all else.

You say you have suicidal thoughts? Are you safe right now? If not do you think you should call helplines like Lifeline 13 11 14 or the suicide callback service on 1300 659 467? If not and you consider your thoughts could lead to an attempt on your life, please please call 000. We'd hate for anything to happen to you @musha

In response to: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Blitter2016Senior Contributor03 Oct 2016, 11:03 pm AEDT

Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Hi Musha, I won't pretend to understand, but I can relate to feeling the only answer to end the pain, yours and others is to cease existing. And I hate it when people say things that make me stop because of guilt. So the two sayings I try to remember...

**Suicide is a long term answer to a short term problem.

**You are unique and irreplaceable.

I am so glad you reached out on the forum. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to reach out physically, be it telling someone to take you to ER or picking up the phone. Can you please let us know your safe?

In response to: Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

JoeTheLionSenior Contributor03 Oct 2016, 11:38 pm AEDT

Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Hi @musha,

Sounds like a rough time, Hope you're ok. Will send you an email shortly.

Thanks for your wonderful, wise and supportive words @Queenie @Kurra @Blitter2016

In response to: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Unknown userMember04 Oct 2016, 12:43 am AEDT

Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Hi @musha
I've felt the same way you have lots of times before too. It's really hard for us to see beyond ourselves and how we seem to just take all the time. I get so down thinking this way often. Sometimes I have gotten angry that I just have to stay here for my family (both my kids and parents) Just lately I haven't been dwelling on this part so much. I hope you can keep fighting to stay here. It seems like such a long battle you have been fighting. I agree with what the others have posted too, that it tends to be in our heads more than our loved ones about being a burden. I know it must seem impossible but there is always hope it can get a bit better, that some days feel ok. Hang on for the ok days. Take care @musha. Thinking of you💜😊🤗

In response to: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Unknown userMember04 Oct 2016, 1:12 am AEDT

Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Yeah. Live for the good days. You are NOT a burden. Society is not so hard on people with physical disabilities, or medical problems whe relapse over and over and are hospitalised, and the aged & frail and children. We're all on different levels in life and have great value whichever stage were at. You're really hard on yourself and I suspect its because of the messages you get from the people around you. Please don't beat up on yourself too. As others have said here - its really hard to have positive thoughts when our brain is trapped in the valley of depression. This is the worst time to make decisions, especially big ones. Get some help, climb the mountain until the view is better before you decide.. You may even find as you climb out the pit that there's more light, you can see more vibrent colours, things are clearer and the air is easier to breathe. Your breath is the key to centring yourself, taking shelter within, and putting hand to task (hobbies) and joining a common interest group. You can do this. It will be worth it. Sending hugs.

In response to: Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

mushaContributor06 Oct 2016, 4:13 pm AEDT

Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Thank you for all the supportive replies.

It is so helpful to receive the kind and supportive remarks on this forum and other people's perspectives from how they have dealt with it.

I'm feeling much better now. Its really true that it does pass and there will always be a better day.

thanks everyone

In response to: Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

QueenieSenior Contributor06 Oct 2016, 4:21 pm AEDT

Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

I'm glad today is a better day for you @musha.

Take care of you 🙂

In response to: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Bogart29Casual Contributor10 Oct 2016, 9:21 am AEDT

Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Some loved ones do not cope with our MI. Usually there is a genetic problem throughout the whole family. I have this problem! My parents both had MI. My father was hot headed and drank because it wasn't talked about or diagnosed in his day. Sadly he has passed away 10 years ago. My mum is still here and she suffers depression and anxiety and is now in an Aged Care facility. She now has early signs of dementia too. I try to see her every day which in turn makes me more depressed. My siblings both have MI so they do not comfort or help me.

Suicide sometimes seems to be the only way to end all the anxiety about trying to cope with the loneliness of having a MI.

I've had many medications and ECT but being abused by loved ones when you are sick can be the catalyst for suicide! Not to mention the unavailability of professional help! I've been to the Western Menta Health Clinic and was appalled at the result!

I'm trying to hea myself and be my own psychiatrist most of th time by reading and practicing CBT.

Also staying away from those people who clearly don't have you're best interests at heart.

Also I praise the famous people for coming out and the football clubs for offering counselling and support for them. Unfortunately it is the poor and those who don't have these services available that commit suicide or resort to alcohol and other drugs.

Change that and we're on our way to fusing the problem! 😪

In response to: Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

Change123Senior Contributor10 Oct 2016, 4:30 pm AEDT

Re: Im exhausted! suicidal thoughts

I'm also at this point but I have felt like this many times before and I'm still here- it does pass but that doesnt make it easy while you are going through it (like me now again). My partner instigates most of my suicidal thinking as he suffers from bipolar and is in denial and not on meds and thinks absolutely everything is my fault. Only 2 weeks ago I actually planned to do something as I was so fed up with life but again my boy (dog) always comes to my rescue like he knows when I'm really down. He just stays close by and puts his head on my chest if I'm lying down and then I see his eyes and think I cant leave him behind! If it wasnt for him, days like today I dont know if I would still be here - feeling very very depressed. I really getting very tired of feeling like this.

1 - 10 of 10