Newbie

Hi @Julz4 ,

Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. I can certainly relate to a lot of what you have mentioned.

It is great to see you reflecting on what is happening and reaching out. This is a very important step for which I commend you.

Your 'reactive depression' seems to be similar to mine. Without a history of major trauma, I couldn't understand why I felt the way I was. I've never had a history of MH, nor in my family, so it was sort of unspoken of.

Then it seemed that within a short timeframe, my world fell apart. Upon seeing my GP, I had assessments done and was placed in the severe depression category. In retrospect, that was what I was feeling at that time. MH has phases. It gets better one day and worse the next. From what I see, depression wasn't so much an issue if I could manage my day to day tasks. It only became an issue when it hindered my functioning.

Depression took my energy away. It kept me in bed. Although I continued working, I found no satisfaction. I began taking anti-depressants. It was trial-and-error over a number of years. I really had to find one that was for me. Suitable anti-depressants coupled with psychotherapy worked a treat for me.

Having depression was also very hard for me to accept because I was such an independent, capable person - and to be pulled down my MH? Sounded ridiculous. But I wouldn't have known if I didn't experience it!

Some days, it was about letting things go. Other days, it was about fighting the depression. What ever it is, please know that it's OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY! That was the hardest thing for me to accept.

There are good things to come. I can't promise when, but today, I couldn't be more satisfied with life. I never thought I would see this day, but I have.

I'm so glad you have found us here. There are many who would be willing to take this journey with you. You are not alone.

tyme

Hey @Julz4

Welcome to the forums and I hope you find lots of kind supportive people here who can relate to what you have shared.

I have severe depression too and I am now taking what appears to be the right medication but it’s been a journey to get to this point.

Lots of love 💕

Hi @Julz4 ,

How are you today?

Thinking of you.

tyme

Thank you for your reply and support. Telling myself it’s okay to not be okay got me through a very long night. I appreciate it!

Thank you for your support!

Thank you for your post @Julz4 .

I remember that accepting IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY was so hard for me. I felt like a failure who couldn't cope with life. But now, I know that accepting thatIT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY is one of the strongest things a person can do.

It ignites the desire to seek support and reach out. And this is exactly what you have done. I admire your bravery.

It may be a long road ahead, but it will be worth it.

We are here with you,

tyme

Hi @Julz4

Welcome to the forums. I hope this can be a place of salvation for you.

I think you are brave and resourceful to post your experience. You are taking proactive steps in light of diagnosis that is very new & unfamiliar to you. This must be particularly hard to process as an accomplished & will lived adult.

I have dealt with depression for really most of my life. I have to say, even to this day it is difficult for me to fully comprehend & accept my diagnosis. For instance, I don't feel sad. I don't spend my days in bed. I feel relatively connected to others etc. The thing I have learnt about depression is that it tends to seep out in other ways, & can be difficult to self recognise.

Similarly I experience symptoms, like you of panic/anxiety, a sense of tiredness or drained & overwhelmed. I also would not dismiss your insight that your hormones may have a role to play.

Things tend to be compounded ten fold when I'm in a depressive state. Although, I usually do not recognise it at the time. For example, perhaps I cannot find a car park whilst out. It will begin to feel deeply frustrated & tense. I will have thoughts such as why is everything so difficult & stressful etc. If I were in a more mentally healthy state my thoughts might be, 'well yes this is getting annoying, these things happen, no worries.'

For me, finding the right medication gave me back life, I wasn't even aware I had lost. However, I have accepted that it is a trade off. All have side effects. It is about what I'm willing to accept.

I cannot say if you will feel like your old self again. My story is different in that I think that my depression is a part of my life, whereas in your case, it sounds possibly a temporary state as your body, mind spirit are in overdrive, trying to process the last few years events. In particular it sounds as though missing your sons is something that has made you feel a sense of grieving.

I believe you will get through this. It won't be there same old you that returns, it will be a new you. More resilient, a greater sense of self & different perspective on things.

I hope this has helped some.

@maddison ,

Thank you for such well thought-out post. It was great to hear your story and it's so true that people's stories are different.

@Julz4 ,

I'm glad you have made an appointment with your GP. I'd encourage you to have a chat to them about how you are and have been feeling. I hope you do not feel we are pushing you to take medication in anyway - this is between you and your GP. But yes, I was surprised you were surprised with how many people actually do take medication AND function extremely well! Taking meds is NOT a sign of weakness nor abnormality.

Personally, I doubt I'd be able to do what I do today if I continued resisting meds (which I did for a long time).

Looking forward to hearing how you go tomorrow!

Thinking of you,

tyme

Thanks @tyme

Great to hear feedback.. Still learning! 🙂