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Failing at life

Me7New Contributor15 Mar 2022, 10:23 pm AEDT

Failing at life

Hi,

First time here and just really need to vent I suppose. I'll start with the positives I suppose. I'm mid thirties, great job, healthy children, healthy myself for the most part of it but I am constantly miserable and cannot see a way out. Please note I am not suicidal I definitely don't want to die, more just kind of run away and not come back kind of feeling although I doubt that would help. I have struggled many years with addiction as well as my mental health. I am currently on antidepressants for the 4th time and feel they do nothing. I am an alcoholic, I have no control over my money despite making a good wage, my kids do not respect me at all, specifically my child with adhd and I continuously return to an emotionally abusive ex and I overall hate myself. I am stuck and really don't see anything ever getting any better. I constantly fail myself but worse of all my kids. I am a grumpy miserable poor excuse of a mother and they deserve so much more. I am well aware that most of the issue with the children is enviromental but why can I not pull my finger out and get it together. It's there, I acknowledge all my flaws and what needs to change but cannot implement it. I'm so messed up I don't even know where to start?! I have seen multiple counsellors and psychologist with no avail, one even stated I don't thinkni can help you! Really? Am I that bad? If you met me in person you would have no idea, I present as this bubbly confident woman when I am really just a shell on autopilot. I'm not stupid I know where my issue stem from, I know I should exercise,drink more water, practice self love and mindfulness, cut my toxic relationships and all the other text books things but it honestly doesn't help. Is it unconcious self sabbotage or something deeper? I don't know. I used to have spark never take shit and had it some what together but I've lost her completely. I just don't know what to do. If you have stayed this long thank you. If you could help me on where to start it is much appreciated

Thanks

Me7

3 replies

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In response to: Failing at life

Eve7Senior Contributor15 Mar 2022, 10:44 pm AEDT

Re: Failing at life

Hello @Me7 and welcome to the forums.

You have shown courage by sharing your story. I don’t have any wise answers to “fix your life” but I am here, as are others, and am always willing to listen and offer support.

You really are dealing with a lot working, parenting, relationship with your ex. I am sorry you haven’t found a supportive counsellor or psychologist and that you feel the antidepressants don’t help. Do you have any close friends? Sometimes a casual catch up can make a big difference to our day.

My kids are grown up now but they’re still around making me feel “needed”. Our kids really need us for a short period of time that you will look back on and wonder how the years passed so quickly. Please don’t be too hard on yourself as I’m sure you’re doing your best.

Sending lots of love 💕

In response to: Failing at life

wellwellwellnezSenior Contributor16 Mar 2022, 12:44 am AEDT

Re: Failing at life

Do you know about the "Rat Park" experiment. I've been obsessing over it a bit, while learning about addiction therapies. Actually, instead of explaining it myself, there's a TED talk with a delightful Englishman that explains it maybe the best. He's a bit of a sweetheart, really.

https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong

In response to: Failing at life

NatureLoverSenior Contributor16 Mar 2022, 6:54 am AEDT

Re: Failing at life

Hi and welcome, @Me7 , it's good you've joined. 🙂

If you could help me on where to start it is much appreciated

Right here on the forums is a good place to start...you can also chat to the SANE Counsellors on 1800 187 263 (you can use Chat as well there). Regarding in-person psychologists, it takes a while to find the right fit, but once you do, it can be life-changing (it has for me). Same with meds, it can take a few tries to get it right.

I'm wondering about your sleep...sleep can be a great escape (if you don't have nightmares)...are you sleeping OK?

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

I hope you find the forums supportive, @Me7 ....

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