Best friend of 20 years made false accusations to police about me

20 years is a long time and a big part of your life @missingmybestie

Learning about BPD will probably be helpful in dealing with people and behaviours you may encounter in general.

Bringing the police into the picture would have been devastating. Not an easy bridge to mend.

If your old "bestie" has not contacted you, it is probably sufficient clue about the likelihood they are interested in renewing the friendship. It sounds like a really sad situation, and you have feelings of longing about it.

Look after yourself. Wish I had more to offer.

@missingmybestie avoid her like the plague for the present time. If you dont I can only see grief coming your way.

Hi @missingmybestie ,

Thank you for your post. From what I have read, there is a somewhat 'void' within you, now that your best friend has left.

I am a peer worker with lived experience of BPD - many many years of it actually. I feel very 'acquainted' with the diagnosis.

From what you have described, I am somewhat questioning the BPD label. Your best friend's actions don't really seem to be characteristic of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Notwithstanding, I know the what you are experiencing is real. It seems like your friend has got much more going on than it appears.

Perhaps you can send her a text along the lines of "I'm here if you want to talk"? That way, she has the choice whether to respond or not.

Sounds like it's a bit of a waiting game. In the mean while, it is important your own self-care. It doesn't mean you cannot grieve a loss. It simply means that it's okay to put yourself first.

All the best,

tyme

Thanks Tyme,

I agree with you, what else could it be other than BPD? Possibly NPD? I'm trying to avoid applying a label but it really helps me to understand what happened and how to respond

I'm giving her a lot of space for now, I really miss her and am so confused as to why she did what she did

I guess we can only really know these things without time and reflection. Picking apart what we do from what others do is usually a pretty tricky task. But, we get there. These things grow inside of us like eggs of reason. (of course, only to eventually get scrambled back into the world of subjectivity.)

Self-knowing is an omelette.

Hi, I feel your pain. sense of loss and confusion @missingmybestie . I'm brand new on here & also struggling with a best friend diagnosed with BPD. We have been close friends for a couple of years & I have been through a lot with her, including a genuine suicide attempt where I was present & took her to the hospital. She is like family to me.We have been very close and she has confided many experiences from her childhood & life so, despite the initial shock at her diagnosis, after doing lots of research & reading, I have come to realise she is fairly 'textbook' ... including triggers from her childhood & teens. She doesn't want to talk to me about the diagnosis, so I never mention it ... but I have a much better understanding of her mood swings and behaviours now. I'm an empathetic person, never make her feel judged & always let her know I'm there for her no matter what. Although nothing as drastic as your situation has happened , it is so draining, confusing & upsetting when she is constantly 'hot & cold' , withdraws totally for no apparent reason & is so self absorbed that she has no time to listen to me when I may need a little chat about my life. It seems so one-sided but she is an awesome person who I love dearly & cannot walk away from. Since the suicide attempt last year I always worry ... & I think my mental health is starting to suffer .Even though I'm educated and aware of the tools & strategies I should use to look after myself it's not always easy when emotions get in the way. I too, regularly give her space, but sometimes its a hard juggle when you want your friend to know that you haven't given up on them (as others have) & are there ... without being "annoying" or clingy. I find I'm now second guessing what I write in messages in case its taken the wrong way. Sorry for the long reply but it seems like people here have a good understanding of this.