Damned if you do

Yes @AmotherI feel there are a lot of double binds we face as a mother.

If you care and do things for them are you taking away the need for them to dig deep into their own being and discover their own strength?

Living with the fear of suicide is immense.

Is your daughter in touch with a support team or doing study or anything outside the home?

Hi @Amother

I can relate to much of what you are going through .... although the biggest pressures in my family dynamic have not come directly from my kids, the snowball effect has turned the whole lot into an immense juggling act, trying to keep us all treading water and nobody going under .... and yes .... as the mother most of the pressure load is on me as the centre cog.

As a carer it is imperative for you to be able to recharge your own batteries. None of us are super-human. Being able to both self-care and receive care from others can seem impossible when the focus becomes surviving each day as it arises .... particularly not knowing which particular brand of chaos is going to arrive with it.

Connectivity is so important. I am glad you have reached out to the forums. As you explore here you will be able to see how much you are not alone in terms of what you are experiencing. Please keep posting. Just hearing from others who care and understand is part of the care and support you need to keep yourself well.

Try to make a space in your day where you do something just for you .... whether it's a short walk somewhere .... an uninterrupted coffee .... a crossword puzzle ... music and headphones. Even a ten minute interval can break the build-up of tension and the feelings of despair.

Please seek out carer support services in your state. If you contact the SANE helpline - 1800 18 7263 - during business hours, they can help you wth that. There is also a chat service above (computer or iPad - elsewhere if you're using a phone). They will have suggestions for your daughter to find connection too.

Things don't remain the same indefinitely. Keep swimming .... but float a little when you're really tired, so you can swim again ....

🐠🐠🐠 .... 🌷💕

Hi @Amother

Under the What's new: services, research, technologies discussion topic @Brodie has posted an article titled

"Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends" .... if you want to take a look ....

🌷💜

Hi @Amother

Addiitonal to @Faith-and-Hope 's recommendation, I have just posted some new content about BPD here

I hope it's helpful.

Nik

thanks so much for this:

my daughter is really struggling with her diagnosis - in much denial. I have to go along with it otherwise things will flare up. She is continuing to see her therapist so i hope they can work together for steps forward.

I do feel like i am in an unknown place ......what is this place, i havent been here before. I am about to go on a holiday which is filled with mixed emotion. Excited and terrified all in one. I hope the supports that have been put in place are used and prevent a catastrophe in my absence.

I will chat with Carers Vic on my return so that i may get some strategies to help her deal with this disorder.

thanks again x

Take care @Amother ..... and try to relax on your holiday ..... we all need to keep recharging our own batteries too .....

🌷💜

Living with fear of suicide is like being sucked into a continual vortex of despair. I have lived with this fear and felt like a nervous, reactive rabbit all day every day, until exhaustion finally took over. Then I became a shell, with no feeling. Is this what your daughter wants for you? What can you do to prevent this? Its essential to take care of yourself first and foremost.

@Amother For a long time I too felt the guilt and the shame of it all. Like it was all my fault. But finally I realised that i was driving myself into the ground with this kind of thinking. I was becoming what the person with BPD wanted. A controlled shell of a person who will never leave. People with BPD fear that everyone will leave them so they pull out all of the stops to convince you that you cannot leave. It is so important as part of your healing journey to think seriously about what is happening to you as a priority over what is happening to your daughter. It is really hard at first to separate your thoughts about your loved one from thoughts about who you are. You are a good person because you care so much and this is not your fault. Start thinking self caring thoughts, this is key to the solution for both you and your daughter.