New here, not feeling best (trigger warnings)

Hi and welcome, @SystemTerror .

I'm wondering what mental health support you have? Like a trusted GP, psychologist or psychiatrist, counsellor or meds?

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will receive a notification and won't miss your reply.

@NatureLover currently I have a GP and I'm on meds but they don't really work all that well, I just haven't bothered with a psychiatrist since I've had a lotta bad experiences with them. I used to have a psychologist as well but I just stopped attending since at the time I didn't really feel that helped much either. I do have a GP appointment in the coming days because I'm hoping they can do a full mental health review and see if I have something they were previously unaware of.

Hi @SystemTerror Welcome to the forums. I just want to acknowledge your bravery and honesty in seeking support here. It sounds like you are having a really difficult time so please reach out to the SANE support service if you need to chat about it. I have checked in with you privately via email so please look out for that. Sounds like you are taking the right steps in seeking support from your GP, It's important to have those conversations.

Take care,

Paperdaisy

First thought: Great username.

Second thought: I have a bunch of networking issues and high levels of internalization as well. I'm still workin' on it but, "Attachment theory" has been pretty helpful. Apparently there's is such a thing as "secure attachment" and does it sound nice.

re: violent thoughts. I've been learning about "thought stacking" and noticing that a thick enough stack is very hard to wield safely. I mentioned it to a counselor the other day and he instantly (either through training or personal experience) said that stacking happens when you don't express yourself in a more fulfilling way.

Tricky with the stigmas and biases and bad educations out there. But getting to the feeling underneath the stack can do wonders for taking down the pressure.

@SystemTerror Well done on going back to the GP in coming days for a mental health review...

I'm wondering whether it might be worth doing a Mental Health Care Plan with the GP, and get referred to a new, different psychologist...the wait times for a psychologist are about 6 months (or more?) at the moment, so you would have time to decide whether or not to attend the appointment, but at least you'd have one there...?

I know therapy has made a big difference to my life, hence my suggestion.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Hi @SystemTerror ! Welcome to the forums! 🙂

I can relate to much of your dillemma, except I never actually let anybody know about my violent thoughts. That being said, I failed to present a sufficiently enthusiastic performance when I had to be around them, so I ended up getting condemned and slandered all the same. Neville Chamberlain probably ought to be a lesson to all of us: you just can't appease the monsters of the world.

I was interested when you said

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@SystemTerror wrote:

I'm someone who'll admire people I first meet and be very nice and want to be a good "friend" to them but slowly I find grevences to be had with these individuals and I'll just snap and estrange myself from them. And it's strange, when people are nice to me back because I'm nice to them I feel like they're being disingenuous and fraudulent in how they treat me and what they say.

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and I can't help but wonder if it's less a case of you "finding grievances" and more a case of you realizing that positive assumptions you made from the outset are, in fact, false.

I only ask because I've been guilty of this in spades during my life. I consider myself to be something of an optimist when it comes to meeting strangers; always imagining and hoping for highly positive outcomes. But then, as I get to know them, it becomes abundantly clear that they aren't willing to meet such standards. It was my error to begin with, hoping that this stranger would be a positive presence to be involved with.

I think that's a common folly amongst optimists: presuming that the people we meet are good.

I wish I had some tips for you regarding how to get transfered into a new, more compatable "tribe", as it were; but unfortunately, this is the dillemma I face myself every day, and I've never been able to find any solutions.

One thing I found out the hard way is that the mental health system does not offer any meaningful assistance with this. Or at least it didn't... It's been close to 10 years now since I last dealt with the MH system and there's been a lot of talk in the interim about services to remedy "psycho-social" (i.e. real life) problems, and loneliness in particular. So maybe there is a service these days that will insert you into a compatable family of friends.

Please let us know if you do get such helpful assistance! 🙂