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Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

My son is 34 and he has a job earning approx $65,000 and I am retired and 75 with my wife 70 and living on our savings and a small Super income.
Our sun has had mental addiction problems and is now on regular medication.
But he can't seem to manage his cigarette addiction and buying junk on the Internet.
Hence, he is constantly asking for money for his credit card (overdue) .
We try to help him and have for the past 20 years but our savings are reducing and we need to get him to stop the constant asking for cash but we don't wish to see him get further into problems.

What can we do?

5 replies

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In response to: Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

Re: Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

@Steve23 Hi Steve23 and welcome to the forums. You have to be honest with your son and say you cannot give him any money any more. You just cannot. He is an adult regardless of his mental health problems. I know it will be hard but you have to protect your and your partners future.

In response to: Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

Re: Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

Hi @Steve23
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with your situation with your son's financial and mental health addictions. Have you tried discussions with him to help him understand how his problems are having an an affect on all of you? Perhaps his mental illness is preventing your son from understanding the impact his issues are having on people around him, and especially on his own life?
Have you also been able to speak with your son's doctors or other therapists about the situation? Maybe he needs extra professional help so you and your wife can feel more supported and your son can remain safe, is this right? i'm sorry if I haven't been of help to you, it much be horrible not knowing what you can do! All the best, and I hope you can find the help you need for your son soon.

In response to: Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

Re: Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

@Steve23

Hi @Steve23 Welcome to the forum. If you type @a dropbox will appear and you can tag members so they get notification of your post or alternatively you can type @ and type members name in if they don't appear in the dropbox.

I would suggest talking to your son and explaining to him what you said here and also your concerns about his financial spending. And perhaps he could stop his cigarette addiction because its getting quite expensive- and also it is not good for his health. And suggest that he talks to his DR if he his willing to do this. To see if he can help him quit smoking. You need to look after yourself too. Instead of purchasing things on the Internet, when he does not buy things, he could save the money instead- it might help him - see that he is making progress. Is his mental health OK? because that could be another factor has to why he is spending money on things because he is managing his mental illness with overspending. Its time for him to take on more responsibility and for you to enjoy life.

In response to: Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

Re: Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

Talking about addiction can be a very tricky thing. I'm currently in the process of creating an addiction recovery plan. I'm using the phases system to navigate it.

My mental health progess made the "pre-consideration phase" more productive. Thanks to everyone for playing their part in that.

A kind dental hygienist, who seemed to have been working on her, counselling style helped guide me to the "consideration phase".

I'm in the "preperation phase". I want this break to be long to permanent. I'm cutting down and deciding on an action date and some other plan specifics.

The "action phase" should be pretty soon. It's a relatively less stressful month ahead for me (All the same I apologize in advance to you all, in case my mood regulation gets a bit hairy. (it probably will)).

For this plan I'm trying to work out how to bolster the "maintenance phase". So that means replacing the reward mechanisms in a way that doesn't lull too much into post addiction depression and that does evolve more quickly to sustainable-post-addiction-bliss-n-stuff.

I think that also mean looking at how I got trapped and also reminding myself of how much I want to be free.

Like I say, It's tricky but I do find phase system lends a sort of sense to the whole thing.

There's also a really good Disney channel series out called "Dopesick". It's all about the opiod epidemic but I found it really insightful on addiction in general. Micheal Keaton gives an amazing performance.

In response to: Re: Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

Re: Son keeps asking me for money and I am retired

Yes we have been trying to toalk with him and his Psychiatrists, and he is on medication as well, but logic seems to pass him by.
We have been to groups of parents in similar situation and they all say it is hard to let go of your own son, despite his life choices.
When we cut back on help he gouse to very suspiciopus places to borrow money and we are also concerned that he will get himself into trouble with criminal gangs who lend money to unfortunate people like him.

Either way we turn it offers no peace or guilt free answers.

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