Making eye contact

Hi @Hector that sounds unsettling to have your nurse comment about the eye contact. Were they telling you in a way like "hey I've noticed this about you, it can be related to anxiety" or was it more of a request that you give them eye contact? Either way I wonder, how did that leave you feeling? I imagine if someone said that to me in the wrong way I would become even more self-conscious about it and that might make it more difficult to concentrate on the conversation. Looking people in the eye is quite a Western form of communication I believe. In some cultures it is considered rude or confrontational to look at people in the eye, so mental health staff do need to be mindful of this when taking note of people's presentation or mannerisms etc. One thing you could try instead is looking at peoples mouth rather than their eyes when they're speaking. This means you're still looking at their face but can be slightly less intimidating. Just an idea, not sure if that's helpful or not. Keep taking care of yourself 🙂

Hi @Hector

Welcome to the forum. Yes i have the same issue. I also have BPD and struggle so much with eye contact especially with my therapist, psych and GP. I know a few times my therapist has told me to look at him before he says something important, that way he knows i am paying attention; because if i didn't make eye contact it meant i was so up in my head with my own thoughts.

I see myself as a shy person in a big group. i am okay in a small group or one on one.

I don't know how to fix this issue because i do it so often.

hope to chat again, hope you are doing okay in hospital. take care

Yes I have had a lot of issues and double and triple thunk .. how much is appropriate ... how much or how little ... is ok ..

its not actually blanket ok ... in western society .. I have been in therapy group where the issue has been brought up in a range of different contexts by white Caucasion successful males.

reflection on It used to dominate a lot of my social interaction .. but have eventually settled about it.

I became very worried when my son started to hang his head in shame, but instead of mentioning it .. I would put my self in his face and make eye contact myself .. and tried to do that through many years ... so that he eventually started to be more relaxed about eye contact in general. I may have mentioned it to him once.

I do not believe it should be demanded.. maybe encouraged.

There are studies about breast and bottle feeding and eye contact ..

Personally my issues go even deeper .. as I have a genetic eye defect .. that my ignorant mother believed meant that I was a liar .. it took 40 years to figure that out ... she never got it, that I was telling the truth .. my bad luck. .. hmmm .

I have spent a lot of time looking into opticians machines and doing exercises.

anyway ... its an IMPORTANT topic for all people with eyes... nothing is clear cut about it though ... body language is very complex ... and assumptions need to be checked ..

Apple

I struggle with eye contact, I find it's much harder when my mental health is in a slump. At the moment, for example, I can't make eye contact at all, when one of the therapists asked me to look at her, I found a spot not too far to the right of her face so she would think I was looking and would at least know I was trying and was actually listening to her.