Running out of reasons

@WahWeeb Thank you for being here and for reaching out. You show great strength and courage. I hope you will find support and friendship here on the forums as many others do.

I can hear you're really struggling and I'm concerned for you. I'm going to check in with you via email so please look out for this 💝

Hello @WahWeeb

I heavily identify with being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Also nerdy enough (did earth science .. lol) to think about how things like water steadily over time make the spaces between rocks bigger .... hope something comes up to give you hope and movement on the great path of life.

It's good that you're reaching out. You shouldn't be expected to fix everything yourself. No-one can. Even if we could, what would be the point?

Hi @WahWeeb ,

How are you today? I'm sorry things are so tough for you at this moment.

Even though things are not ideal, perhaps the solution is not about ' fixing' yourself or a situation, but rather radically accepting things so that there is a clearer understanding of next steps?

I know this was the case for me. I spent years fighting my situation and getting frustrated because I wasn't 'fixing' things. When I learnt to let go and accept the situation/s, I could then actually do something about it.

Look after yourself.

BPDSurvivor

Thank you to those who have reached out, I really appreciate it.

I had work today and I'm lucky enough to have a job I love so that helped a lot. But I know as soon as I go home my mood will drop again which usually feels worse after having had a good day.

I'm struggling with my living situation and at the moment have no way of changing it. It's a really toxic situation that brings out the worst in me and I hate it. I literally don't want to leave work at the end of every day but know I have to go home eventually.

I'm really unsure what to do to make it better when it's only been getting steadily worse and it's making every other issue I have in my life so much worse where I can't deal with any of it.

The good times in my life don't come close to making up for the rest of it. I don't specifically want to die but if this is all life is, I don't really want to live either.

Hey @WahWeeb I'm sorry to hear that this is a situation which is making you feel so completely overwhelmed. If you do feel worried about thoughts of suicide, I encourage you to reach out to a crisis service.

I think what you're experiencing makes a lot of sense. If your home isn't safe/welcoming/a place where you feel contentment, it seriously impacts everything else. I've been in crappy living situations before, which lead to a lot of other areas of my life becoming a serious struggle. I became burnout at work, my relationships suffered, and I was just incredibly miserable all the time.

Is there anywhere else you can stay for a time, with a friend or family member for instance, to get a bit of respite? Or perhaps a way for you to 'reclaim your space' - e.g. rearrange or redecorate your room or something. Just some thoughts!

I can't stay anywhere else because of my dog. If I don't go home to her it will effect her badly, she's my everything.

I've tried keeping to my room but it's not helping when the other person is banging doors and yelling or loudly muttering crap about me. I just end up feeling so anxious and miserable.

I find putting my bedroom TV on loud and trying to drown it out helps a bit but it's like a bandaid that doesn't actually fix the problem, just covers it up for a little while.

Thanks for the suggestions and understanding. Sorry you also had to go through a bad living situation too.

Hey @WahWeeb..

I take it this situation developed over time and it did not start out like this?

Kind of? It's definitely because both of us aren't doing well mentally or physically and it just comes to this horrible clash that makes my own home a place I never want to be.

I'm trying to change and fix my own problems but they aren't and so it's the same problem over and over.