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Psychosis

wild_roseSenior Contributor30 Oct 2021, 12:17 pm AEDT

Psychosis

I had my Pstch appointment and as expeced is was rough and intense and has still left me a little anxious and quite honestly shaken me to my very core, which I'm still not quite sure to make of it.

it was the most open and honest I've been in all my sessions and I'm feeling rather vulnerable at the moment. I told her everything and she confirmed that I had definitely had a psychotic break. Which is also something I am struggling to come to terms with as I have never experienced full psychosis before, I've had fleeting moments but then can usually tell that my brain is playing tricks on me and get a handle on it, but to experience like I have has scared me.

I'm confused and just want me back.

I know so much more work is needed and sometimes it feels like I take a step forward and then a step backwards and I feel even worse, I know I need to be kinder to myself and I'm tring so damn hard, but it's not easy. I just want to better again and somedays it feels like I'm fighting a losing battle and I just don't know what to do. Today is one of those days.

I use to be so optimistic but now I struggle to see the positives in anything and everyday I fight it and try, I try so hard, but so much is going oon and I'm having so many issues processing it feels as though I'm in overload struggling to regain control and no one understands the genuine toll it takes on me, just wanting to be me again.

3 replies

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In response to: Psychosis

Unknown userMember30 Oct 2021, 1:00 pm AEDT

Re: Psychosis

Hi @wild_rose

You're sitting with so much today Therapy can be such tough work, and it sounds like you really brought yourself to that session, which can feel scary and exhausting. So, that's a mighty effort you made, and a big thing you have done for yourself.

I have no doubt that so many here can relate to that deeply vulnerable and sometimes painful processing and healing we go through after such a big session. That part of us that continues to fight feels a little smaller and that part of us that feels truly exhausted and more hopeless gets louder in the grief.

Do your best to go gently and take care of yourself today, knowing that a lot has come up. And if you feel up to it during the week, please feel welcome to reach out to the SANE Help Centre (1800 18 7263) for some support, even just to have someone sit in it with you for a short while

In response to: Psychosis

wild_roseSenior Contributor30 Oct 2021, 4:40 pm AEDT

Re: Psychosis

Struggling to cope with the aftermath of a serious pstchotic break isn't easy as I pretend it to be, to be perfectly honest a part of me feels completely lost. I feel like I have literally lost it this time, feeling like I have finally gone crazy and then can't help but wonder. My partner, how can he love someone who hit the point of actually going crazy.

I try to remain hopeful for his sake, but somedays like today I feel like I'm really losing my shit. I feel alone and helpless and the only person I've known that I could talk to without feeling judged, is gone. 10 years ago she lost her battle with BPD and somedays it still haunts me

In response to: Re: Psychosis

GwynnSenior Contributor30 Oct 2021, 6:24 pm AEDT

Re: Psychosis

I’ve been through a psychosis in August 2019 and I felt the same longing to get back to myself, NOW. Healing takes time, self compassion, hope (even ‘unrealistic’ hopes!) and consistent effort. Don’t be afraid to rest and give yourself some kindness.

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