Attending medical appointments as support person

Hey there @enngem, it sounds like you're navigating some difficult conversations with your husband and his health care providers.

Raising issues that are worrying you, with the person you care for, can be hard. I care for a family member with a complex neurological disease which at times impacts their capacity for rational thinking – it's something I'm trying to work out as I go along too.

What hasn't worked is unintentional blindsiding – raising issues in medical appointments without the family members prior consent. As a way of mediating that distress, I make sure that I thoroughly run through any issues that I wish to raise in the medical appointment well before (gives them time to digest) and I make sure that I listen to any issues or feelings that arise for my family member. The latter can be hard if what they convey sounds irrational, however I try to focus on their feelings in the moment rather than the "facts". Shifting the focus from wanting to solve their issue to being a support and listening has meant they are more open to me raising some of the bigger issues when they arise. I know this isn't always the case when things reach a crisis point though.

I'm going to tag a few members who may have some other tips for navigating this difficult topic @Shaz51 @LizzieLou @Bunniekins @Clawde @AussieRecharger
@wellwellwellnez @Anastasia

Hello @enngem

how are you and your husband today

sending you lots of understanding hugs and letting you know you are not alone

my husband has been given soo many different diagnosis over the years

over the year we have had GPs, psychologists and psychiatrists

and then we would write down our concerns together like @Former-Member suggested with my husband premission but when we were in the meeting , my husband brought nothing up at all

my husband has cancelled all help from everyone , mental health team etc

this is where I found the Sane Forum for advice and help

what has worked for me is learning all about what my husband has and to love and support him and encourage him in what he decides which we totally have our ups and downs every day , good days ,bad days which he thinks he does not have anymore

also I have learnt to the our self care is very important too

Carers Hints and tips to Success

Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope ) are good threads to click onto

and also please ask any questions you may have

PTSD Awareness Day 2021

@Inspire, @Tufftimes

I think @Former-Member 's advice is sage-like. Personal reality and objective reality are both important.

I think you are very right to reapproach the G.P. world and the timeline is a very good idea. It doesn't seem right to me that a case of chemically induced delusions, anxiety and trauma would be best treated by relationship counselling. Maybe I'm missing something. I am of course, a layman, but in my experience scientists are human and sometimes need the data shoved in their faces in a way that they can't ignore.

While I don't see this as a relationship issue, I do see your relationship being part of the solution. I see patience and care on you side. I also see your spouse overcoming care-resistance which is no small thing (especially when you don't know who or what to trust).

Hi @enngem

You and your husband did not choose this path but unfortunately, it has been placed upon you. When you are engaging with the GP and doctors, are you looking for treatment or a cure? How does your husband characterise his symptoms and does he still have the capacity to make decisions.

Does your husband have friends or family that can help you to substantiate these changes? Can the first change by to ask the GP for a referral to determine capacity to make decisions? Are you doing all of this in the public system or do you have private health? Do you have a workover report of the chemical exposure?

The hardest thing you can do as a health care professional is to treat a person against their will and it is a minefield if they are treated against their will when they are deemed to have mental capacity. For me, the first part of this puzzle is to understand how his mental capacity has changed and if that can be measured. I would also reach out to NDIS providers and ask about local doctors they recommend for patients who suffer delusions so you know you are seeing doctors who are currently treating patients that match the symptoms of your husband.

I wish you the best of luck, these changes may be permanent so it might be worthwhile sitting down and making a bucket list so you can both find joy while navigating this difficult time.