One day at a time

Good morning @Pain

Im so sorry you are feeling like this. From what Im reading you are lost, angry and hurt. But I hope you can see that things do get better and after all that pain you are experiencing there is a glimmer of hope and new begginnings. No-one can take away what you are feeling right now - its Ok that you feel this way. But you need to start forgiving yourself.

Forgive yourself for being hurt and allowing him to hurt you. You need to forgive yourself for putting him first and not allowing you to be happy. Forgive yourself because it is not your fault. Forgive yourself for forgetting who you are. Forgive yourself because its time to be nice to yourself.

Wanting validation from him, hearing him say I love you and you meant the world to me will not give you closure. Trust me!.. it will confuse you even further and wont allow you to move on because then you want more and thats not how it works.

You need to validate you and who you are. Love comes within and I know you dont believe me but your pain is because you forgot to love you and allowed someone else to fill that void. I learnt it the hard way and now Im picking up the pieces.

If you dont mind me telling you - what I do everyday to stop the hurt and pain is tell myself.. I love you.. there is no-one better for myself than me.. I need me to be the perfect me for me.. from this it has helped me through my pain and hurt. Dont get me wrong I still feel how you feel but it doesnt stop me from moving on and letting myself to start all over and be the best I can be for me.

Be kind to yoursel Pain.. and hope what I have written helps a little.. with a big friendly hug xx

I really relate to where you are right now @Pain

You are so right, one day your brain will catch up and realise that that wasn't normal. But it takes time and like @MIFANTCARER self-compassion is super important. I also know how difficult it can be to forgive ourselves when we are so caught up in the other person and wanting their love.

I am estranged from my abusive family. And I wish I could tell you 'I've never looked back' but that is not true. The truth is I have looked back. I still long for their validation at times. Wish things were different. But ultimately for me it came down to needing to respect myself. And I guess what I am saying is forgiving yourself or having compassion for yourself may very difficult for a long time. But for me, finding the strength to respect myself and prioritise my own needs (even when every fibre of my being was telling me to run back) was what really started my journey to healing.

I promise you, you are not alone in this. I really mean that.
- periwinklepixie