Help for an eating disorder

That sounds really tough @BlueBay Not having or not feeling like you have control can be so unsettling. Please know that I hear you and I'm sitting with you as you ride out this wave. 💙

thanks @TideisTurning i think that now because my GP is going to do the referral and paperwork it now seems real. It's going to happen. And the fear and anxiety is getting bigger. What if i can't do it; what if i still eat excessively and change my eating patterns so much. I just need to stop. This has been an issue for years and gosh now i am crying because it's all to do with my body image; my self confidence which atm is zero.

I'm scared,

Hi @BlueBay

can I first give you a hug? It's not an easy thing to do to ask for help. It's a huge step.

ive been battling an ED for about a year, and like you control is a massive part of my ED. Letting people in and potentially giving up that control is so difficult. But I can assure you that it is done so gently and at a pace that is set by you.

I'm glad that your gp is on to it and is looking for the right supports for you. It took me months to find the right people. ED therapy is so specialised and complex. It's important that you have people that know what they are talking about. Make sure you get onto a dietitian too. They don't only help you with what to eat, they do so much more. I've actually been really surprised how helpful my dietitian has been.

here if you need to talk .

Hello @BlueBay,

I would like to thank you for sharing your experience living with an eating disorder. It takes great courage and strength to willingly share your story with the community. It offers an opportunity to provide others with identification, hope and to know that we are not walking this journey alone. I too have a long story of living with an eating disorder as well as many other complimentary mental health issues. I remember a time of feeling quite hopeless and fearful that I would never recover. I am very pleased to share with you and the community that I have been recovered from being dibilitated by my obsession with food for a long period of time. I personally entered into an inpatient program where I was able to address the underlying issues and childhood trauma that underpinned the reasons to why I turned to food to find control and comfort. I have since been engaged with an eating disorder specialist and psychologist whom I have realised were the missing pieces to my treatment before. I now live free of constant food obsession and compulsive overeating which has been a miracle. I have been able to focus that energy into my close relationships, goals and dreams. I would like to say that I understand and please know that you are not alone. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and can ensure you that recovery is possible!

Wow thank you both @Former-Member @Bow for your comments and support. You both know how to deal with an ED. I am now goiong to wait a fortnight to see my GP again and see where we are at. I know he wants whats best for me.

Control is something i have never had especially as a child being sexually abused and then 'congtrolled' by my controlling maniupulative mother. So all my life i have been controlled. So this one control that i have will eventually be taken away from me.

OK, one step at a time. i am hoping i can do this. i know it's not going to be easy, i hate challenges and this may be my biggest challenge.

Yes letting people in to what i am going through is very hard. all the negative images/words are going through my head.

i may need to use your support later, i will def tag you both.

again thank you so much, i appreciate it xxxxx

Hey @BlueBay I wouldn't say I know how to deal with my ED, it's still very much a process for me. I've finally found a great psychologist, I've only been with her not even a couple of months- I had 2 prior to that and they weren't overly helpful. There is a lot of digging deep in my sessions, it's not easy and I seem to be adding extra ED behaviours to this already complex issue.

i am often in a state of ambivalence, having a Healthy Self (HS) that knows that what I do is not good for me and then there is the ED that is obsessive and controlling.

I was diagnosed with atypical anorexia earlier this year. My ED started late last year when a lot of things were happening in my life and things felt very much out of control. I learnt that what I ate... or didn't eat, was something that I could control. I liked the sense of achievement I got out of not eating and then it all just spiralled out of control from there.

with an eating disorder diagnosis you can have an eating disorder plan drawn up from your gp. It is better than a usual mental health care plan, gets your 40 psychologist visits per year and 20 dietitian visits.

check out the butterfly foundation too 🙂 I've found them to be heaps helpful. In the early days for me when I didn't even understand what was going on myself they helped so much.

Sorry @Bow I got a bit confused in my reply.
I agree it is hard to find a good fit psychologist. I'm hoping my GP will help. I trust him a lot.
I can imagine how difficult the sessions are gir you. Digging into deep issues is very emotional.
I have a feeling this will be me too.
I will check out the butterfly foundation

thanks for sharing your story. I really appreciate it.
sending you hugs xxx

I really feel you on this one @BlueBay

Often Eating Disorders can be a way of coping with trauma and really big emotions that come with it. It certainly was and has been that for me.

I know when I first began ED treatment I too felt like I was losing control. But with time - and a LOT of hard work rewiring my circuits - I actually realised I wsn't losing control, I was retaking control of my life.

I could do things people without eating disorders take for granted! I could be spontaneous, go to parties, go the movies with friends, have cake at a younger relative's birthday. Once I could start to do these things with less fear I actually felt more stable than when my eating disorder controled me.

All this from the other side but that doesn't take away from the fact that everything you are describing right now is so valid that I can't validate it enough. 😛

I hope you get to see the other side one day too 🙂 And it sounds like that will take some big scary steps in between. But we're all by your side for that.
- periwinklepixie

Thanks @Former-Member

I'm in one of those terrible moods today where I don't care. Bout anything 😢

don't give a stuff about life

I know those moods really well @BlueBay

Something I've done in the past that is helpful is writing a gratitude list. But not your average gratitude list. But like really get back to basics like 'I am grateful I live on Earth where this oxygen' and 'I am gratefful for my opposable thumbs'. it can be good to lighten the mood but also helps me remember some good things about life that I may take for granted when things are tough.

Just a thought though, totally get it if. today is just about survival for you.
- periwinklepixie