I need just to vent

Mind sill racing, stomach still in knots feel like absolute crap when will the lights ever come back on inside me to make me feel alive not just to live in an existence, a shell of trying to fit in to pretend everything is all right.

still thinking of him consumed by him why did you treat me like this , why did you say the most hurtful mean and cruel things to me,why did you treat me like the dirt on the bottom of your shoes,why could you not see in between drinks and your own pain that I was right beside you supporting and loving you, where are and where were you for me when I needed your support and strength to heal the damage you have caused to me NOWHERE why

because life is all about you. I know you no my pain but still you continue to play your games and leave

me hanging onto just the slightest bit of hope,maybe today You love me I

maybe worth a scrap of your time or maybe You think If you continue to go absolutely silent on me knowing that is my weakest breaking point the one thing you no hurts me the most .......leaves me with absolute pain fear rejection and loneliness then you will happy and content . why do you do this to me when all I have shown you is unconditional love why is this all such a big game to you.

please don't respond to me I need to snap out of it or that I'm hurting myself sitting here in pain I just needed to vent this morning in the hope I could just slow my thoughts and manage to get out of bed today ...