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Desperation and loneliness

AyeshaSenior Contributor13 Sept 2016, 9:39 pm AEST

Desperation and loneliness

Hi all,

Kind of nervous to post....

I saw my psychiatrist today and admitted something to him Ive not told another.single.living.soul. He was totally great about it and so supportive and casual (which was what I needed) but now Im feeling triggered and the ache...the ache...to take it out on myself is immense.

Pdoc wants me to start using a Webster pack for all my meds...I am on a ridiculous amount which upsets me greatly.....for over a decade I have struggled with med-compliance....I have no NO idea why I cant just get in my head to take the meds....but Im hopeless with it.

I feel incredibly lonely and incredibly desperate to just collapse...

I literally have noone I can tell this to...My anxity is sky high and I am triggered.

11 replies

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In response to: Desperation and loneliness

Unknown userMember13 Sept 2016, 10:15 pm AEST

Re: Desperation and loneliness

Hi @Ayesha. I'm so so sorry to hear that you're in such a bad way tonight. I'm also glad that you've been courageous enough to post on this forum. I'm fairly new to this too. I can relate to some aspects of what you've described.

I'm a shocker with my meds!! I misplace my scripts, take the wrong ones to the chemist and end up with either stashes or none, and continually confuse myself about doses. It's all the brain fog, which I know a LOT of people on this forum experience. A Webster pack sounds like a brilliant solution which will free up some head space for you, as well as ensuring your treatment is working like it should. And once it does, you might end up not needing the Webster pack (though the idea of not having to think about all that sounds pretty damn enticing to me!).

More immediately, you really sound like you need help to settle, and quickly. I've been in that situation a couple of times and called Lifeline (131411) and it really helped. Don't get me wrong, this forum is great for connecting up with likeminded and really supportive people, but Lifeline is awesome at the crisis stuff.

What do you think? You sound like a lovely person who deserves some care right now.

In response to: Re: Desperation and loneliness

Unknown userMember13 Sept 2016, 10:17 pm AEST

Re: Desperation and loneliness

Oops, sorry @Ayesha, that should have been 131114.

In response to: Desperation and loneliness

Unknown userMember14 Sept 2016, 8:30 pm AEST

Re: Desperation and loneliness

How are things going for you, @Ayesha?

In response to: Desperation and loneliness

utopiaSenior Contributor14 Sept 2016, 8:48 pm AEST

Re: Desperation and loneliness

@Ayesha. I have such a bad memory that I bought myself a pill dispenser. It has am & pm boxes for 7 days. Once a week I fill it up. It's been a big help to make sure I don't forget one of my tablets.
I'm so sorry you were triggered today. Anxiety is a bugger of a thing to deal with. I used to have awful panic attacks.
Have you learnt any breathing or relaxation therapies. Best one that helps me is just breathing in and out. Breathing into the diaphragm so my stomach rises. Just keep focusing on the breath. It helps me to slow down my breath so my anxiety also calms. Then I am able to distract myself.
Some on this site enjoy art or craft. I like sudoku . Others puzzles or exercising or housework (still amazes me that people enjoy cleaning). I find by keeping my hands busy - within 30 minutes, I'm no longer thinking about what I was worried about.
There is a great post you may like to look up about Comfort Box.
And don't forget to congratulate yourself for sharing something very hard eith your psychiatrist. That's a great step.

In response to: Desperation and loneliness

AyeshaSenior Contributor14 Sept 2016, 9:25 pm AEST

Re: Desperation and loneliness

Thank you so much for your replies, it is very much appreciated.

Anxiety was high today..... Urge is still with me tonight. I have taken something (prescribed) to keep myself calm and away from self destruction. Fingers crossed.

It was hard talking to my psychiatrist about the 'thing' but I'm so glad I did...., even if it has triggered my anxiety

In response to: Desperation and loneliness

Unknown userMember14 Sept 2016, 9:34 pm AEST

Re: Desperation and loneliness

Hi @Ayesha, welcome to the Forums. You're having a really brave week. First revealing something you'd kept hidden in a session with your psychiatrist and now sharing with us here. I genuinely believe that life rewards courage and so I hope that ache to take it out on yourself passes Your bravery deserves kindness and recognition.

As uncomfortable as it feels now, sharing is a great step forward that In should allow you to accept/integrate the experience and find more peace in the long-run. I'm not a 'high-fiver' generally but I can feel one coming on 🙂

In response to: Re: Desperation and loneliness

Unknown userMember15 Sept 2016, 5:59 pm AEST

Re: Desperation and loneliness

Hi @Ayesha. So glad to have had you stop by again. Well done for hanging in there and pushing through. It sounds like you might have found a way to make last night pass more comfortably? I hope so. Totally agree with @Former-Member about your courage! I know there are a lot of people who use this forum who would be inspired and strengthened by your posts, so thank you for sharing with us.

I'm keen to hear how you're going this evening. Keep being kind to yourself. ❤️

In response to: Desperation and loneliness

AyeshaSenior Contributor15 Sept 2016, 9:24 pm AEST

Re: Desperation and loneliness

Thank you I can't tell you how much I appreciate you taking time to respond.

Anxiety being high all day.... Anxiety is crushing me tonight. I am triggered and I am absolutely shattered. I suspect if the desperation doesn't get me that sleep (and nightmares) will

In response to: Re: Desperation and loneliness

NikNikSenior Contributor15 Sept 2016, 9:42 pm AEST

Re: Desperation and loneliness

Hi @Ayesha

You must be exhausted - such a huge few days for you.
Do you have some strategies or things that have worked in the past to reduce your anxiety?
Mindfulness activity? shower? etc

In response to: Desperation and loneliness

Unknown userMember16 Sept 2016, 9:01 am AEST

Re: Desperation and loneliness

Hi @Ayesha. You really are on the battlefield this week. I feel so bad for you. You're showing such amazing strength and persistence. Yet your warmth shows me you're still human and not a robot. We humans do have our limits and we're hard wired to be interdependent. On your first post you commented about feeling isolated and having no one to talk to. Is it time now to let some of this out to a professional or Lifeline counsellor? I know you found your psychiatrist very supportive. Are you able to arrange a short notice appointment or even phone conversation with him? They're very accustomed to this sort of thing, so it's generally no big deal. Alternatively, do you have a good GP you can make a double appointment with? That kept me going during a tough time.
Anyhow, you sound pretty sensible, so I know you'll will do whatever it takes.
Oh, and I also found it useful to reassure myself that these horrible says were when the pain is all coming out - not going in. xx

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