I feel like I'm going round in circles

Hi @Sunflower7 ,

Just checking in here! I hear your frustration and disappointment, especially around the returning symptoms of your depression and anxiety. Those feelings are completely understandable when you've been working so hard on managing your mental health. I have experienced some set backs myself and can relate to that awful feeling of being powerless during lockdown. You are not alone!

I can see that you have days where things are better, and some which are more difficult. How are you feeling today and what have you been doing to cope with everything?

from cloudcore

Thanks @cloudcore

I was feeling pretty low this morning and anxious about lots of little things. I'm still feeling pretty flat but am a little better than this morning. I see my psychologist in a few days too which is good but I'm not sure if I'll be able to see her in person or online which is stressing me since I hate doing things online. My work is quite hard to do from home and I just worry that I'm not doing enough to do it well and aren't getting through my to do list in time, but it really could consume my entire life if I let it (and I have many times before, to the detriment of my mental health).

I've been trying to make sure I take time for rest and self care by doing some activities that I should enjoy, even if I don't enjoy them, going for walks, setting a finish time for work each day and I've started working in a different room so that my room doesn't feel like I'm at work. I think I mostly just feel really isolated.

I hope you are well and having a good day!

Hello @Sunflower7

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It may seem strange to say, but I enjoyed reading your statement. Not because of the content of your description. But I say “enjoyed” because you have, so very clearly expressed your experiences and concerns, in a writing style that is clear, succinct and logical. In doing so you have described the presentation of symptoms, that align very closely with those normally recognised of depression. My positive observations, about your writing style and content, may I hope, be a source of some consolation and even relief, in the awareness that people on the forum can relate to the feelings that you have very clearly described.

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One thing, specifically, drew my attention. That was your description of feeling “exhausted all the time”. From my own experience, and what I have seen others describing, the “exhausted feeling” seems to be a very common symptom of depression. You describe it very clearly when speaking of just lying in bed without any feeling of motivation or desire to get up and “into the day”.

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It sounds as if you don't have a lot of contact with other people during the day, particularly because of current restrictions on movement. I find, that being on my own, as in living alone, there is not the mental stimulation that would occur if there was someone else, or other people in the house. That is not to say that having people around is necessarily a preventative, or protection against depression, but I would think, that it reduces the likely chance of onset, and possibly the depth of the problem.

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However, people in a household may cause someone, who is experiencing the effects of depression, to feel embarrassed and additionally concerned, where other people can see that presentation of the state of lassitude, the drained feelings and apparent lack of desire to be active and involved. Avoidance of others can also occur, because of the desire to neither project those feelings to others, nor have to engage with others and the extra demands of social interaction, during a time when we feel less able to meet those demands.

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For all this, I am sorry that you have found your way to the forum, for the reasons that you have described. On the other hand,

• I hope that knowing that other people do experience similar feelings;

• that you can express your own concerns freely, because of anonymity; and hopefully,

• the awareness that we can help each other in the process of lifting those feelings or reducing their effect, will provide you with some relief and positive expectation.

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With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX