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How to help!

YellowsunflowerNew Contributor24 July 2021, 11:20 pm AEST

How to help!

My husband has had mental health issues ever since we met. I used to be really supportive and knew how to respond when he was going through a rough patch of mental health. Over the years I guess I have become a bit numb to it all and a bit muddled as to how to respond because I now don't what to say or do.

Today I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner and he told me that he didn't know and that he was feeling like he felt suicidal. Becoming so overwhelmed and scared of saying the right thing I just walked away to make him dinner rather than saying anything. Afterward, I realised this was not the right thing to do but just left it seeing that he seemed so down. He told me afterward that it was really hurtful and it made him feel like I didn't care.

I guess I am just looking for some reminders of how to help someone when they struggling with their mental health.

4 replies

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In response to: How to help!

GwynnSenior Contributor25 July 2021, 7:23 am AEST

Re: How to help!

Hi @Yellowsunflower , have you considered having your own mental health plan to help you with your coping skills? You could be having carer fatigue.

In response to: How to help!

AnastasiaSenior Contributor25 July 2021, 2:11 pm AEST

Re: How to help!

Hello @Yellowsunflower and welcome to the forums 💕

It's a difficult road helping a loved one navigate the system, get the help needed and also taking care of yourself in the mean time. Here are a couple of links that you might find useful.

As for as your hubby saying he feels suicidal, it's so important to listen. To let him know you hear him. You don't have to have the answers but to be heard is so powerful.

https://afsp.org/story/if-someone-tells-you-they-re-thinking-about-suicide-a-realconvo-guide-from-afsp

https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/mentalhealth/Pages/family-mh-program.aspx

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/emergency-help/helping-someone-else/

You're not alone 💕

In response to: Re: How to help!

Shaz51Senior Contributor26 July 2021, 4:19 pm AEST

Re: How to help!

hello and hugs @Yellowsunflower

how are you today and your husband xx

like @Anastasia said ,

As for as your hubby saying he feels suicidal, it's so important to listen. To let him know you hear him. You don't have to have the answers but to be heard is so powerful.

I have been in this situation many times over the years @Yellowsunflower , one thing i see is that you husband is telling you which is great

I went for years of my husband not telling me things until days later , i would think it was my fault , that i did something wrong

sometimes they don`t want an answer -- for me I found just sitting next to him made a diffence , holding his hand

also have a thread called Carers Hints and tips to Success

also like @Gwynn said " we have to take care of us too so we can care for others , so self care is very important

if you have any questions please ask

In response to: How to help!

AussieRechargerSenior Contributor26 July 2021, 9:00 pm AEST

Re: How to help!

Hey @Yellowsunflower

Thanks for sharing your story. It seemed like you might have been in shock from this news...

I feel it is harder to provide help to someone who you spend time with all the time. It's harder not to provide judgement as you don't get to observe them as they are, but more from a point of view of the relationship and impact you have on each other. Do you feel like life has changed a lot for you both over the years?

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