I don’t know what to do

Hi there. This is definitely a situation. And one you've already been dealing with too much.

Let me just start with paraphrasing Oprah and saying if it's not loving behaviour, its not love. Perhaps a response to the "need for love" that all (or most) of us feel. But actual love isn't just a noun. It has a be a verb and and adjective as well or its something else. It's important that you don't forget this and I do hope this person you speak of also comes to realise this.

I'm a bit at a loss as to what this persons friend was thinking bringing you in. I can think of reasons how it might of seemed like a good idea but how you can you possibly help? You're the object of fixation. I understand why you would feel responsible but truth is you are the last person anyone should go to about this. It's not your job to cure the fixators fixation.

So, what to do? I think my best advice is try and pass this person on to the right person. I get that you want to do the right thing. But its a job for the right person. Either do it yourself or via your mutual acquaintance. But this person needs to go to the person that can fix whatever is actually going on.

At a glance, looking at the god references and somewhat warped concepts of love in the message you shared I'm feeling some pretty classic male "vulnerability vs control" issues. This person is a unique individual but many have fallen into such trappings before and there is a growing world of things to do about it.

I'm probably over simplifying things at least a bit. Challenges that I'm unaware of as well. Hard to be too specific without being there. I think that might be generally what you're looking for.

Hi @Zeek0426 That is a lot to deal with What this person is doing - and has done over some time is emotional abuse. You are not responsibile for how he feels or what he says he will do - that responsibility to seek help is entirely up to him. His friend contacting you when he was so close to that is not acceptble either - rather he should have encouraged him to seek professional help.

Given the age for you that this connection started - and the age of him also - that is an unequal balance and if it progressed any further than just conversation then that is abuse. No matter the connection you feel - the age at which this started and the age diffference between you suggests very clearly that this is an unhealthy connection ...and you now feeling as you do about having him back in your life is a clear indication that it is not a connection you should continue to have.

It is really important that you look after yourself here and if his behaviour in regards to the social media stalking, continually contacting you and saying he will end his life without you in it continues that you take actions to prevent that. It really is not your responsibility the actions he does or does not take and your own safety in all this is most important.

@Zeek0426

- what this person is doing to you is called "coercive control"

often this behaviour doesn't manifest until it's too late, but it is not too late for you

Google coercive control and anything written by Laura Richards on the subject, she is ex-Scotland Yard and helped to draft UK legislation to outlaw this behaviour.

BLOCK HIM

do not listen to a word this person says to try to manipulate you

threats of self harm are just another tool in the arsenal

and if the worst were to happen, it IS NOT YOUR FAULT

but I would bet my own life that the worst will not happen

do not read anything he posts and if someone forwards you things, block them as well

https://www.dvconnect.org/about/domestic-violence-statistics/

1 woman a week is murdered by a current or former partner in this country and often that is the first act of physical violence, resorted to when coercive control fails.

I suggest you call 1800RESPECT and discuss it with them

what this person is illegal in many countries, in some states here and is in the process of becoming illegal in my state

I'm not normally quite so pushy, but you are asking what you should do... and I'm worried enough about the outcome of your situation to actually tell you.

I live in a situation where my mentally ill partner's behaviour sometimes mimics this model so I've done a lot of research and spoken to a lot of people. I know when the situation is becoming unsafe for me so I leave for a few days until it passes. Mostly he is ok and not controlling at all.

You owe this person nothing. They are not your responsibility. I also think getting a mental health plan from your GP for some couselling to help you move on would be a great idea.

Be strong, be safe xoxox

This is quite a situation and you are at the point where it would be advisable to seek professional help. Do you feel safe? Is he likely to start showing up in places he knows you are when he is not invited?

Hello I have been down this road with my teenage daughter who is now a mum in her thirties. This is the behavour of a pedophile. They find something to threaten you with if you dont do as they want you to do. They are playing emothional blackmail with you. Dont fall for it. Disconnect all ties with them and dont feel guilty because this is what they want you to feel so that you stay with them and do what they want. They will take a step further once they have control of you and start threatening you with things such as life and death. Whether it be themselves, you or your family or your pet. It will be something they know will trigger you so that they gain more control over you. Please seek help if he continues to contact you. They play mind games. You are not the first and you wont be the last. Kind regards.

Hi there @Zeek0426, I can imagine you would be feeling alone in this so I hope it has helped sharing here. It sounds pretty distressing and I am concerned for your wellbeing. I will send an email to you to check in privately.

Speak soon,

Sphinxly.

We're all with you.