Crying all the time.

I'll come back to this tomorrow @Powderfinger and hopefully will have something helpful to add. I'm sorry to see you've had such a shitty day

I'm back @Powderfinger and am I glad you're back on the forums too. Always so insightful and reflective in your posts @Powderfinger

its ok to have those meltdowns, we need them. They come and then they go. I know it's disheartening and frustrating though. Just gotta take it easy on yourself while you go through it.

i hear your frustration with the hypervigilance. I get it. It's a fu*king pain in the ass when it kicks in. It's obviously come from a place where it used to be helpful to you and helped you to survive. Gentle reminders to yourself that you no longer need that level of protection are the way to go. You have such good self awareness about your responses, when you feel that tension, acknowledge why your body is responding that way and remind yourself it's ok to put those defenses down. It's going to take a lot of time to combat that natural defense. And in truth I don't know that it will ever not be there, but, I'm certain it can be managed like any other symptom of trauma. With time, practice, persistence and patience.

If that tension is happening with particular people perhaps it's worth sitting with those feelings and trying to understand what it is about those people that are triggering that response. Can you link it to anything from the past? If so, is it something to dismiss as residual past trauma, or is it something to pay attention to? Those hypervigilant feelings can definitely be way too intense, but I'm learning that even though that response may be over the top, it doesn't mean it should be dismissed altogether. Make sense?

You're doing so well recognising what you need to get through this period. Steering clear of people who aren't safe to be around while feeling fragile, that's really good @Powderfinger as you said in my post, keep listening to yourself. You are so in tune with your needs, you've got this 💪

@saltandpepper

Your post is lovely and you always give the much needed words I need to hear. I'm very ill and have taken time off work to rest and recover. This is a time when I'm glad I work for myself.

I do what I can and then as soon as I just can't, I stop. I know the signs too well and I had another complete mental breakdown. I have had 5 in 1 year. This time I'm listening to my mental breakdown and I'm changing EVERYTHING that needs to be changed in my timing not everyone else's.

I'll respond to this though because it's good to talk. It can affirm things for you and others.

Powderfinger

@Gwynn thanks. Very tiny moments here and there. My heads in a very confused state. I'll take all the time it needs to sort itself out. It feels to me that it's going to take a long time.

Powderfinger

@saltandpepper

Again thank you for your reply. I can only take in bits of it because I'm still in so much overwhelm and shock. I know better to force it to clear up. I can't have ANY stress right now. At the moment I'm not able to do the things you've suggested. I do believe in these things and I do them when well.

You are an amazing person. I'm glad you are here in the forumns. You are a valued part of this community and I have no doubt have helped so many. Bless you.

Powderfinger.

Hey I get it @Powderfinger and yeah when I'm in a shit way I tend to not take my own advice really. I'll aways be around if you ever wanna chat about whatever. Being on here just talking to people tends to help pull me through those shitty times.

Good you're working for yourself too! I'm in the same boat, though at times it feels like a double edged sword. Have not had a very good year work wise since I keep closing up the books and taking time off. Lost a major account too which was just fu*king excellent. But tis what it is. Doubt I'd even be alive at this point if I didn't have the freedom to take time off when needed. Certainly can't do that when you're clocking on for the regular 9-5 hey?

How'd you get on today? Got much on tonight?

I cry at least once a week, often twice. I wish I could have greater control over my thoughts, emotions, and behaviours but I do feel some content to know that I am trying everything in my power to improve. It helps me to think there is no real purpose in life, and that once my human life is over I will have eternal life that I can live to its fullest. People ridicule me regularly and I cry in response when I am alone.

@P12

Sitting with you. It's all I can manage for now.

Powderfinger.