Unknown userMember
In a really difficult spot.
I missed work last night.
I had a really bad urge to self-harm that whole night, and last night, I decided I was going to do it, just before work.
I put three alarms on, but I slept in, and by the time I woke up, it was like three minutes before I had to go. My Mum asked me why I wasn't at work. I lied, and said I started at 3:00AM. So, I put my do-not-disturb on, and put up another alarm for 2:30AM. My supervisor called me in that time, but I didn't answer. I decided that I was going to self-harm then.
Honestly, I don't remember what happened after that, but I ended up not self-harming at all. It would have been really hard, if I had to go to hospital, to get myself organised without anyone noticing what had happened.
Our house is pretty busy at night, so there were three people at home; my sister, my brother and my Dad and any one of them could have walked in on me. My brother is literally nocturnal, he's up all night watching movies or doing work, and then he sleeps until 1:00PM the next day.
My manager messaged me this morning, probably asking me where I was, but I am honestly terrified to open it. I don't want to think about work. I am probably going to be in a lot of trouble when and if I work on Thursday night. They've been so busy. I should be doing hours of overtime, but instead I'm missing entire days.
I am still getting really bad urges, and I have felt horrible all day. I made an appointment with my doctor for two weeks, and that is probably going to be really helpful... I am just really tired in the meantime, though.
