So many subject where do i start

Last year inwas diagnosed with PND but i think its been going on longer than when i had my son. In the last 2 months i have have become bankrupt even though i have a great job am drinking alot and feeling very alone. I blame my husband for everything for me not having friends for me being depressed and i hit rock bottom and made a mistake by kissing someone else. I had a makljor anxiety attack and got so low i tried to self harm and OD ON prescription stuff. He said he supports me he knows why i made the mistake yet he throws it at me consyantly and does not speak to me then meanwhile says i want more kids. All this while dealing with a teen and a toddler. Vicious cycle being short of cash we cannot afford a psychologist and i am totally lost.
God i know ths sounds all over the place but i am a mess i love my hubby and kids but i really feel everyone would be better off without me.