Hey @Chloe9900,
firstly I want to say, that loving someone with a mental illness is one of the most difficult and often painful experiences we voluntarily commit too. You are incredible, for your commitment to your partner through the bad times and your courage to hold onto those moments of hope for the good times. You should be proud of yourself, what you are doing is amazing and no easy task.
I know and understand exactly where you are at... my partner has bipolar and we used to swing from the greatest of highs to the lowest and darkest of lows... and even though this was dictated by him and his illness, it happened to us, as I would be dragged through it alongside him. Finding your own stability and assurance in yourself can be very challenging. I personally sought the help of a psychologist of my own, to allow me to debrief and gather my thoughts and emotions. It took me some time to realise that I actually am a strong person, that I can not only pull myself through the rough spots, but my partner as well.
With time and help from my psych, I can now see all the advantages I have gained from loving my partner, I can communicate openly about my emotions with anyone, I will stand up and defend myself if I don’t believe something is right, I can identify when others around me are not quite themselves and offer support, and mostly, by setting healthy boundaries with my partner, I have a loving and supportive relationship where it is ok to ask for help and be honest about how we are both feeling.
There was a point a few years ago where I wasn't sleeping, I didn’t eat properly, I stopped exercising, I was constantly in a state of stress about my partners wellbeing. I didn’t take care of myself. I got sick, just the common cold... which turned into pneumonia, and I was hospitalised for weeks when one of my lungs collapsed. My body was too tired to fight, and I couldn’t save myself when I needed too. This was the point I realised, I could not go on like I was and started seeing my own psych. I recovered and joined a basketball team again, I had forgotten how much I loved to play, I encouraged my partner to learn to cook with me (he has food anxiety issues common in bipolar suffers) and again found my love for cooking. I asked him about things he used to enjoy, and he loved soccer, so we bought a soccer ball and on weekends took our dog to the park and he taught me to play. I learned to like video games because he did, so we could do that together in a positive environment. it took a lot of pushing from me to find our happy place, but we finally reached it and we have been here for a few years. There are still hard times/days/weeks but we can now work together to resolve them.
You can achieve this too. it always helps to be honest with your partner, I told him I wasn’t happy not exercising and eating takeaway so I was playing basketball again, he could come if he wanted or he could stay home, either way I was going. I told him that I used to be a great cook, and I would like him to try and cook with me so he might be less hesitant about foods (turns out he is an amazing cook, probably better than me!). Remember things you used to enjoy and actively chase them again, encourage your partner to come along for the ride if you can, and push yourself out of your comfort zone to do things he likes too.
And keep chatting here, there are SO many amazing people, full of advice and support. I will always be around if you want to chat, just tag me. You are strong, and you are amazing. Don’t ever doubt that!
xx
Tigs
