Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Walking away from family

PapasmurfNew Contributor03 Sept 2016, 4:19 am AEST

Walking away from family

Hi all, I'm new to the forum ad wanting to hear from others who have decided to walk away from their family due to the way they have been treated by them. For the past 25 years my siblings have always treated me with contempt, hostility, humility and disrespect. I recently decided that my mental health and well being was far better off not having them part off my life anymore and cut all ties with them. I am very fortunate to have a brilliant partner that understands and supports me through the dark phases of my life without judgement and gives me the strength to carry on through lifes turmoil.

9 replies

1 - 9 of 9

In response to: Walking away from family

Kit88Contributor03 Sept 2016, 11:32 am AEST

Re: Walking away from family

Hi @Papasmurf

First I'd like to just say I am so glad to hear that you have a great partner that supports you regardless of what is going on, that really is good to hear!

I do however understand about what you saif about your siblings, I have 5 brother's and sister's and most of mine have always treated me the same way. I put up with it for most of my life (I'm 27), as I always believed family should stick together and being mentally unwell and also up until the beginning of the year was in a very abusive relationship for 10yrs, I didn't have much people in my life.

But over the years and now being adults they still treated me differently and 4 of them now have kids, which is the part that got me. The kids are my world, they are the reason I'm still here, I fight for them. But they started using the kids like pawn about 2yrs ago and would stop me seeing the kids and stuff and would blame my mental health most of the time, saying they couldnt risk me being around the kids because they didn't want the kids to see me unstable etc. That killed me alone and then when I left my ex after he almost killed me my sister in law messaged me saying I again could no longer see there kids but messaged my ex saying he would always be a part of the family and could see them!

That to me was the final straw. Like you said there does come a time where you do just have to think of yourself and what is vest for you and your mental health. I decided to cut that brother and his wife out of my life, I cut 1 of my sister's also because she has done nothing but use me and bring me down. I also cut my dad as he never really made an effort for me but would go out of his way for the others and I barely have anything to do with my mum also for similar reasons.

I have found since doing so I may not be stable or where I want to he in life but not having them around and bringing me down with there negativity and hostile attitude/words has helped. I'm sad for the fact that I don't get to see 2 of the kids but I still write to them and try and stay in contact with the kids but as for the others I'm glad I did it. I learnt that Family may be blood but they can also be some of the most toxic people in your life.

Stay strong and just do what is best for you!

In response to: Re: Walking away from family

Unknown userMember03 Sept 2016, 4:38 pm AEST

Re: Walking away from family

Hi @Papasmurf

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story. I can't imagine this decision has come to you lightly, so I am glad you have found our forums for support. It sound like you have a great support in your life at the moment - that is very special.

Thanks @Kit88 for also sharing your experience! I thought this thread called Family matters would be useful to you, as some of these members have, or are, going through experiences with support and family. Maybe @Terry, @Former-Member, and @Former-Member might be able to come along and share/support you in some way

Hope this is helpful to you.

jac-in-the-box.

In response to: Re: Walking away from family

BlueBaySenior Contributor03 Sept 2016, 5:03 pm AEST

Re: Walking away from family

Hi @Papasmurf @Former-Member

Great topic!!

I have walked away from my family. Long story but basically 6 yrs ago i remembered i was sexuallyt abused from the age of 9-12yrs old by 3 different guys.

I told my parents but my mum was so angry with me say 'how dare you wait 30 yrs to tell me'; 'i don't want to listen to what you have to say' she kept goiong and going and going, so i got up and walked out hysterically. in 2014 we reconciled only because my grnadma passed away, but in the year that we spoke nothing changed. The discussion of 'that day' was never spoken about, she never spoke about the abuse, it was like ok our daughter is back lets not talk about it at all and pretend it never happened.

A year later i was in a psych hospital and she rang me and abused me on the phone. she yelled again at me and then she said 'you have betrayed the family'. thats when i hung up the phone, threw it on the ground and was then medicated because i was hysterically emotional.

So haven't seen or spoken to either of them since june 2015. i have 3 siblings and only 1 speaks to me the others are siding with my contrlling and manipulative mother.

i know i am better off without them, i do have a supportive husband and 3 adult children who know my full story and saw how my parents have treated me.

But it hurts, it still hurts. it feels for me that i am grieving the loss of not having parents or especially my dad. he is very controlled by her. he is stuck in the middle and has no contact with me at all.

I think sometimes things happen for a reason. even though it hurts like a sharp item has gone through my heart i know that i am getting stronger because i am learning to make my own decisions on things and not rely on my mum's answers all the time. you see she controlled me as well even in my married life.

You have to do what you have to do to live a happier and healthier life. Wishing you all the best. happy to talk to you again.

In response to: Re: Walking away from family

Unknown userMember04 Sept 2016, 7:39 pm AEST

Re: Walking away from family

Hi @Papasmurf

I'm sorry to hear that you havent been treated well by your family of origin, I too had to make the same decision about my family. it feels so hard being so alone in some ways, and yet freer that i dont have to be scared or worried about when some of them are going to turn up, how they're going to act etc. i have some lovely friends who i guess i have chosen to be my family.

life certainly doesnt always turn out the way its meant to...

hope you are doing ok,

In response to: Re: Walking away from family

BlueBaySenior Contributor04 Sept 2016, 7:54 pm AEST

Re: Walking away from family

Hi @Former-Member

I agree with you so much. Hope you're doing okay. take care. xxoo

In response to: Walking away from family

PopsieNew Contributor07 Sept 2016, 11:42 pm AEST

Re: Walking away from family

I'm the same, I'm the family reject.

In response to: Walking away from family

IceNew Contributor09 Sept 2016, 2:27 am AEST

Re: Walking away from family

I distanced myself from my parents due to their difficulty in accepting my life choices. Most especially my partner and our not being married when we moved in.

Through the distress of estranging myself I stayed balanced due to my wonderful partner. To my surprise and after 5 long years, recently my father extended an olive branch and has started accepting my partner and me.

Unfortunately my partner and I are now splitting apart. The pain of loosing this man is extraordinary! For so long he has been my rock and now I feel like this current tide will finally win over and unhinge our hold. I have already accepted this man to be the one I want to marry, have children with, grow old and die knowing. He loves me but doesn't want this with me.

It's a curious thing to know that the one in front of you is the only one you want to marry and realise they don't feel the same way. I feel like a widow despite never being married. And a daughter who has been accepted on conditions that I can't meet.

From my perspective I feel like I am learning a profound lesson that ultimately we are all alone. So instead of pushing to hold on to selected people, I am realising that I am better off concentrating on everyone I have the luck of meeting. So even if fleeting our brief interaction will fulfill my need for social companionship while I look to myself for the more long lasting stuff like love, commitment and the promise to grow old with. Ironically I think I need to fall hopelessly in love with myself!

It's a slightly strange concept at first but I get the feeling there might be something very important here...

Take care everyone.

In response to: Walking away from family

QueenieSenior Contributor09 Sept 2016, 12:33 pm AEST

Re: Walking away from family

For me, it's the other way round... my family cut ties with me. I'd like to have a relationship with them, but they seem like they are embarassed of me or something. I'm never invited to family gatherings or the like. I'm definitely the black sheep.

Having said that, I'm probably better off for my mental health and wellbeing to not look back. They would tease me and humiliate me about my mental health and being "different". A friend of mine once said I had "labrador disorder", in that no matter how many times I was mistreated by them, I'd still be loyal to them like a dog.

I think you're very brave and also I think it's vital you have a partner who understands and supports you no matter what.

In response to: Walking away from family

BeebeCasual Contributor15 Sept 2016, 12:25 pm AEST

Re: Walking away from family

Oh thats good now you just need some more friends you can call family.

1 - 9 of 9