@Scratchet
Hello @Scratchet,
Having read your post, I could see some of what I experience and have experienced in the past. Although for some quite different reasons and circumstances.
In a sense, I am going through a bit of a rough patch as well. 'The ugly black cloud”, “the sand hole that I can't dig myself out of”, “being swept out to sea, and not being able to reach the shore” are different ways that I've described the feelings of distress, isolation and even a sense of peril and often hopelessness.
Peril, to me, means that there is something to live for, despite being in perilous circumstances. Hopelessness often signifies that we feel that there is really no longer any reason to live. Of the four feelings of distress, isolation, peril and hopelessness, I think it is the last that is the most difficult to address and change.
I, with many others, have recently come through Cyclone Teroja that hit the W.A coast a few weeks ago. The clean-up process is almost finished and claims have gone in, for assistance that has been offered through various government and other agencies. And now the activity has reduced and the adrenaline "high" has diminished. “The wind has dropped and the sails are no longer full to provide movement and progress.”
I have begun my response to you in this way to show that even though circumstances may be different, the feelings associated with the different events in peoples' lives can often be understood by each other, even when the events, background, age brackets and gender are different.
In a marriage/partnership that is not functioning effectively and with mutual support, one or both of the people can feel very isolated. From what you have said, you seem to be feeling isolated, even though you have the professional support of a psychologist, psychiatrist and case manager. These people give you what they can but then become distant, in as much as they may not be available, or able to respond when you feel at your lowest.
Hopefully, this forum may provide you with the opportunity to at least express, in writing, how you are feeling at any given time. The responses from other forum members may not come instantly but people will respond when they come back online to read the posts from you and others. I do hope that you find, as others have, that the forum is a safe place because we protect our anonymity. But more so, that you find meaningful and useful support, involvement and interaction from and with other members.
I am disappointed that your husband has changed his position regarding your opportunity to join the 4-week residential program, by which you may gain some of the coping skills that would help you in the future. Indeed, you may even find that you are really a lot better at doing things, as a partner, mother and caring parent, than you are presently being given credit and acknowledgement for. Unfortunately, it may be that your husband feels that your anticipated, improved capacity to function effectively, or awakened awareness of your existing knowledge, skills and capacity, may be a threat to his capacity to direct and control you and your actions and responses. It is possible that the more positive you feel about the program and talk about those expected outcomes, that are positive for you, the more threatened he feels. This may be the reason for his reversal of support.
You may like to look at other people's posts on their lives and experiences in relationships, among which conflict is a major issue in some relationships. Some of the discussions I have had with people, with whom I have “spoken” on the forum, are accessible by left-mouse-click on my forum name (or pseudonym), “HenryX”. There are quite a few light courtesies and greetings among the conversations. However, the contacts that will give the most information, that I think may be of interest to you, are those that express concerns in the title, in a similar way to which you have done.
If you wish to alert someone to your post, simply add an “@” symbol in front of their forum name eg. @HenryX, anywhere in the message. That will send a flag through the New messages which is to the right of the Guidelines & Info box on top of the forums page. Clicking on the New flag will take you to the Your Notifications page where you will find messages in which you have been “tagged” with your forum name, @@Scratchet.
Personally, I found the forum site a little difficult to negotiate at first, maybe that is just me. However, please persist, and I hope you will find it worthwhile.
Please ask any questions about issues or finding your way around the forum. I am still getting used to it after rejoining in February this year.
As I have heard said:
“The only silly question is the one not asked”.
The observations, opinions and ideas expressed in my post to you are unqualified. I offer these observations as a layperson from my own experience in life.
I most sincerely hope that you will indeed, keep “hanging on”, till you can attend the residential program. Please remember that the more obstacles placed or pushed in your way very likely represents the level of threat felt by anyone else.
With My Very Best Wishes
HenryX
