I am not ok

Thanks for being here and sharing. I want to thank you, your alters and the spaces in between. Permission is so much. I hope that's welcome (happy to be corrected if its not. I don't know a lot about what you're going through.)

@Former-Member so sorry to hear you are not doing well. I don't know what to suggest except to say that things may seem quite raw for you at the moment.

When I've been sick in the past I go into "retreat" but sounds as if you really need to be surrounded by caring and understanding folk.

Try and find ways to calm the body first and stay away from stimulants.

Then get yourself in a space of tolerance and acceptance for what you are experiencing

Who can you reach out to? Are there safe people you can trust to talk with?

My sense is that you just need a nice chat with someone who you can count on who is sympathetic and kind so you don't feel so alone.

You need a someone that is there for you who understands which is half the battle.

You might even surprise yourself by next week after feeling so sensitised recently only to find your feet again.

My advice is to reach out if you can.

You are worth vouching for...just keep trying - this will eventually pass like all other episodes.

But for now honor what you are experiencing and allow yourself downtime

@Former-Member and @wellwellwellnez ,

Thankyou so much for replying, babydragon has managed to retreat today. We don't know how it happened but she was so overwhelmed that it somehow stopped us being able to switch, which we believe made her feel even more overwhelmed.

It has been a hard time for us as a system with so much going on. Not all bad but not a lot of good so the balance is out of whack.

We live in a rural town and away most of our support system. We have babydragon's partner but while he tries to be as supportive as possible he struggles in understanding the complexities of our mental health and often puts his foot in his mouth with comments like if you just don't think about the past it won't affect you, or if you think positively and just get up and do things the depression will go away. And it hurts but we also know that he is uneducated in mental health and does apologise when he realises it was the wrong thing to say.

But babydragon prefers to hide how far into the dark tunnel we are and we know that's because she doesn't trust the Drs here and hates discussing mental health with them as do we as they seem to know nothing.

We as a system have a close friend and do love talking to her but babydragon has started withholding from her as the friend tells babydragon's partner when we are struggling but hiding it.

We do not have professional help and haven't for three years. When we first came out here we got a referral to a counselor who did one session with us and then said she doesn't deal with complex mental health issues. We have had a hard time getting a new one.

But what's really sent babydragon/us over the edge lately is finding out one of our childhood s**ual abusers is getting released from prison based on the fact they think he is reformed based on his age, which they did 7 years ago and were wrong.

On top of that another one found us on FB and sent a message and friend request he now has a family with 2 little girls. He was another child in our foster home but 4 years older than us.

That and our nieces surgery, wedding plans not working out and other family drama it's been really hard to find our stable point.

Harmony, Sapphire and Chloe (blended)

Hey @Former-Member you will find your feet soon!

I also live with a dissociative + mood disorder which makes me lose contact with reality but not split into separate personalities so I do know how the mind can bend

I was subjected to abuse from some elite professionals in a criminal gang ring which affected the way I think and process my thoughts.

I am doing ok these days.

It does take time to heal and unfortunately people who haven't gone through it simply don't understand. I think its how we find peace in a situation where the trauma is so great that the mind tries to find ways to cope.

But I would suggest just taking adequate care of yourself at this time and use the forums here on SANE to get your bearings.

I am familiar with DID and the insensitivity coming from friends, family and partners. They expect you to get over something that is beyond your capacity to cope with. I knew someone personally years ago with DID.

I think just keep working on your self esteem and start focussing on how worthy you are of love from people who will treat you well into the future

....and not to fear confronting people about their actions if they have been insensitive to you or have hurt you.

Be brave to voice your concerns otherwise you could end up alienating people.

I have to say this nicely: learn how to say it to their face - they won't fall apart because you have confronted them, it may be hard to do but you will be glad you did it Just start learning to voice your annnoyance

I hope you have a better week next week. Try and get out of the house, its kind of what I have to do. Try and plan something special for yourself like having your nails done or doing something you never thought of doing. Just pampering yourself will make you feel better inside. It will also create new destiny timelines to encounter new situations.

Sending warm hugs your way. It does get easier as you get older but you have to lift yourself up, that is what I have learned - taking advantage of every situation that comes by and being the woman you wish to be dearheart.

The mind can also envision a better future - I spend 10 minutes at the end of each day thinking of the life I want. Its incredible how the mind can be still used to grow into something new even after my mental illness it still works!

Chin up and start feeling hope everything you seek is within you!

You can have your action plan ready in future when you are feeling better on the things you wish to change about your life. Dedicate each day to activities that support your goals. Do a list if necessary and follow through EVERY day.

Life can get magical and bright but its hard to see while everything seems upsidedown. I have seen people like you recover and go on to great things. It may be hard to believe but your body and mind wants to heal.

Sending hugs your way

Much love

S.G

I should mention Blue Knot, if you don't already know 'em. They are the "National Centre of Excellence for Complex Trauma". They list people who have good record on complex stuff and do other things as well. Small team, so they play catch up a lot, but good when they get back to you.

Regarding immediate safety, if it comes to that sort of thing, I feel it's worth remembering that restraining orders are a lot easier to get than convictions (and they don't preclude each other). That is, of course, entirely up to you to assess.

I definitely have resonant feelings with your talks about "well meaning" "good advice". People on the outside (friends, health proffesionals, etc) tend to focus on the behavioural solutions. Behavioural stuff is all fine, but sometimes it takes cognitive work to take control. Makes the rest a whole lot more achievable. So above all, do what's right for you.