HulkContributor
Complex Trauma, Injury, Pain and Depression
Hi there,
So this is my first post here, and I'm not really sure where to begin, but thought this may be the spot.
From 2012-2016 4 years I was an employee of an organisation, with a huge reputation for mateship, comradery and all of that jazz....
Unfortunately for me, that was not my experience at all.
To be honest what I experienced was the complete opposite, after about 6 months in, my peers and superiors had regressed into a maturity level of that of high schoolers. I had been injured while in the work place and this meant I was unable to participate in a lot of work activities. This opened me up to bullying, psychological abuse and harassment like I had never experienced before. At first I blew it off as just some friendly banter, but then it became a constant thing, no matter what I did to prove to them I was doing my utmost to get better.
I became reclusive, non socialable (although I had been shunned by peers anyway, so this is just a result of that). I began to feel the effects of the constant bombardment of psychological bullying. I felt like I had no friends (I didnt) I had no one I could talk to, I was alone. I began to cry myself to sleep, first a day a week, and by September just before my 18th birthday, it had become every night.
This continued for a long time, if anything I felt as if it got worse. I felt more alone each week that went on. I overheard people talking about me behind my back, people would intentionally invite others around me to social events in front of my face. It felt horrible.
After 12 months of intensive rehab, being called a liar, everyone saying I was faking my injuries, treated like an outcast, i thought having two surgeries, on my so called fake injuries would prove to people that something was wrong. But it didn't.
In the end a series of unfortunate events lead to more injuries and more surgeries, yet I still gave my 100% to getting better. Yet the bullying, the psychological abuse continued.
During my 4 years I remember distinctly 6 different occasions where I had prepared to take myself, but could never bring myself to it.
4 years of this, I am now out of this organisation, with extreme chronic pain, depression, extreme anxiety and what every Dr I have seen has classified as PTSD or Complex-PTSD.
I cannot go out anymore in public places or crowded places without my partner, I hide myself away with more than 2 unknown people in the room and even more 5 people who I know. I breakdown almost everyday now, with nothing to have caused it. I avoid my old place of work, I avoid reminders of it.
I have nightmares nearly every night, some nights I'm afraid to sleep, or simply can't.
I'm on a cocktail of antidepressants and pain meds, but the still don't help me. I feel Miserable every single day. I get shaky simply talking about this. Even now typing this on my phone is hard, my fingers are shaking so much it is taking three times as long to type this as it should.
I don't know what else to say really.
