Saving a relationship

Hi @despairingmum I dont' have any answers but I was so sorry to read about the deterioration of the relationship with your daughter - and that you feel so stymied by the clash of your values and your concern for your daughter's wellbeing and her safety. It must be so difficult for you to love her, but to feel powerless about the decisions and the lifestyle she is leading ... wehn I saw no responses to your post, I wanted to make sure that you fel listened to even though there isn't someone who identifies with your situation who has replied yet! I can only hope that you will be able to preserve your love for her, in the chance that she will pass through this / you will recognise what you can accept and live with - and that AFTERwards there will be a chance for you to have the relationship you want. All my best - Spaman

Thankyou so much. That was very kind 🙂

@despairingmum Hi despairingmum and welcome to the forums. I just wanted to reach out to you and say that we are a friendly group of people with various mental health backgrounds. Have a look around the forums and join in when you are ready. Take care of yourself during this time. Love greenpeax

Hi despairingmum

l have the attitude that pain is pain, so even though I have not been through what you are going through I feel your pain because I've been through a lot of it myself.

I hope that somehow you will get the answer to your situation

Sending love and hugs, roses 🌹

@despairingmum I can hear how devestating this is to You and sensing its a huge loss.

As a young adult I recall many times when my choices and values clashed with my Mothers. Her non acceptance and demands of wanting me to change was awful as I was discovering my own life and what was important to me. I would have liked more acceptance and support yet it wasnt possible as her viewpoints were pushed beyond measure so I navigated much of those exploratory years stepping back from her. Looking back I also realise now that I was being rebellious without knowing how hard it was for her because I was so focused on "my own freedom" and had a viewpoint she was just trying to control Me . Growing older and with more maturity I can see now how hard it would have been for her.

All I can suggest is that when You do have contact focus on something else rather than Who she has become and her chosen work.....Have contact based on a shared fun experience that you both enjoy rather than sitting and chatting ( This can really lead to arguing ) ... Doing something specific together can create space to be with each other.... go for a walk, bushwalk or cook together, do craft togther ... something You both can enjoy ... She is much more than what she's choosing for work right now.

Many young adults now are seeking approval and affirmation through social media and relationships are deteriorating .... Creating happy memories together is like an artform these days.

@BraveOne Gave many really good suggestions. Hello @roses @spaman

@despairingmum I can relate to your circumstances although there are some differences in my family.

Still I really have noted the upswing in support for sex workers in mainstream media, without addressing all the other circumstances around that kind of work and what it might mean for families. I believe that is wrong, an attempt to remedy violence in that field, maybe, but not looking at it as a whole. She may grow out of it. Interesting you think it is attached to Narcissism. My family member spent 12 years in the scene then moved into a slightly less dodgy but still questionable role based on fantasies. My son thinks the person has NPD, and she certainly seems to have the traits. That is no help to you, when you actually love the person and want the best possible life for them, along with all the lost hopes and general dissappointment. Wish I could offer more support.

Take care

Thankyou!

@Appleblossom you are so right! Somehow there is a perception that being a sex worker is glamorous and something to be admired. They cannot see that they are do every woman a disservice by perpetuating the male myth of entitlement if they pay. I am at a loss. Thankyou so much for your thoughts 🙂

There are enough controversial issues around gender, sexuality and the existence of that kind of "trade" or "work" however it is described ... not sure open discussion is permitted ... I can easily say the wrong thing.

@despairingmum You figured out how the tagging with @ works. It is a way people know a post is directed for them, otherwise they may only stuble on a reply by accident.

I had to wall off a part of my heart regarding it all. There was nothing I could do. I have been shocked by the lack of understanding about it whenever I have tried to discuss it.

Take Care

Apple