i just want to make the world around me stop, so i can rest.

Hi, It seems likes things are really tough for you now. I am glad you have reached out for support. Please take care of yourself, I know you are somewhat safe now, however if things escalate for you please reach out to the helplines available. Take care, we are here with you

oh @hellen I wish you could have a healing dream of something good to help you feel better in your life Your not alone as long as you have friends on here and please if you need to rest then rest ,take some time for self care,a warm shower,a phone call to talk things through with lifeline 13 11 14 or beyound blue or something that is a healthy distraction from all the stress your feeling,listen to what your body needs and do safe things to rest,eat regulary and if you need to catch up on sleep then rest,you dont have to answer your phone if you dont feel like it when people call or message you too often,I had that problem recently where over a few days people kept ringing and messaging so I ended up feeling exhausted from just having to talk over and over and react to peoples messages too much it got really annoying as at the time sleep depravation was a big issue at the same time as people constantly messaging ect,Please Take Care

thanks @LostAngel @jazz i haven't felt this low for a long time, umsyally i reach a crisis, but this time it's like i'm just at the bottom with no desire to get up again.

i did have a lift today. i finally planted some things in my balcony garden. they've been sitting in pots waiting for me. and i just felt ok to do it for the first time...

im just trying to hold on till easter when i have some time off to myself but i honestly don't know if i can hold out that long, and i resent spending my holiday being sick. because that's what this is. nobody recognises it but i'm not malingering or whining, i'm mentally ill. even people who get that don't seem to GET that if you know what i mean.

spending a week on a couch with your brain parAlysed wishing you could stop is just as bad as having the flu for the week... at least eith the flu, you might get a few giggles off something on tv...

anyway i'm sitting in the sun getting some vitamin d like a good hellen...

Hi there @hellen,

I just wanted to pop by and check in to see how you are travelling. It sounds like you've been having an awful time lately, and also doing your very best.

I encourage you to reach out to a crisis line for some one-on-one support at this time-

Lifeline 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

Take good care,

Sphinxly 🐣

Hi @hellen ,

Sorry to hear things are so tough for you at the moment.

I remember having similar feelings in the past, where I just wanted everything to stop and go away. I wanted the intruding thoughts to just leave me alone.

Despite these feelings, it's so good to hear you were able to do some planting. To be honest, I dislike gardening, but I dont like my garden looking neglected. Hence I also did some gardening today. I've still got a lot to do, but hey, I tried my best and set myself only a small patch to work on today. If I look at the entire garden, I'd cry because of all the work that still needs to be done.

For me, managing my MH is a bit like gardening. When things are not clear and my head is like a jungle, I focus only on a small achievable goal. If i looked at my entire life and plan for weeks ahead, I end up sitting like a defeated mess and get nothing done.

So, @hellen , small goals. They may be five minute goals, but that's okay. Do what works for you to help you through.

Also, I totally understand how it feels to need a break. I'm on holidays from Friday. As much as I'm looking forward to the holidays, I've got so many commitments ive banked up that I don't think my 'holidays' will be a holiday!

Oh well, such is life! It seems like I'm making up for lost time from when I had severe depression and could not leave the room for years. Now, it's the reverse. I hardly see my room!

Take Care,

BPDSurvivor

@hellen

Hello @hellen,

Yes, I sure can identify with that feeling of wanting the world to stop.

You've mentioned that you are feeling really low. So I understand you've probably been feeling that way for a while. Also, you talk about your doctor recommending that you continue to work.

I can certainly say, from my own experience, that continuing activities, whether they be work, social and/or community involvement, has kept me 'afloat' at times. Sometimes, when I have really not wanted to get myself ready to walk out the door, I have done so and when I have returned, have felt significantly better than I was before I went out.

At times, when I was working in an office in the city, I would look out the window of the bus, in which I was travelling to work, and think

“It is a beautiful day, I'm with other people and I'm otherwise healthy, why is it that I feel so down?”

I used the word “down” because at that time I was not familiar with the use or even application of the word “depression”. I would endeavour to boost my feelings by looking for a person on the footpath who I thought would return my smile if I smiled a “good morning” to them. It generally worked. I believe it was because I had extended myself outward, from myself to someone else and in doing so had initiated a positive response from them that gave me a lift and hopefully them also.

I believe, from the knowledge I have since acquired that I would have been diagnosed as having depression from some considerable time before that particular morning. However, that was my way of dealing with the situation at that time.

Feeling the way that you have described is a very uncomfortable experience. I know that because, as I've said, I've been there, as have many other people on this forum. We certainly can identify with that wish to isolate ourselves in a way that can seem very much like self-care.

From the description of recent events, it sounds to me that the person of whom you have spoken, while not very close was certainly familiar enough for you to experience a certain level of grief on his passing. The events may even have brought to mind a sense of vulnerability and possibly fragility. These are all very understandable feelings to have in the circumstances.

The feeling of being

“on a precipice and I might crack”

sounds to me like a normal stress response. I wonder if your doctor is aware of the recent events with your old neighbour? While your feelings have existed for some time, they may have been exacerbated by the death of your neighbour and the surrounding circumstances. It seems to me that your doctor may possibly be able to give you, if you would be prepared to accept it, some medication that would assist you in the short term, that you may find effective.

If you would like to talk some more, I would be pleased if you let me know on the forum. There are many other people on the forum who would also have had similar feelings and experiences to what you have had. They would, I am sure, be happy to respond to your discussion also.

With Best Wishes

HenryX

thanks all, i've suffered depression most of my adult life i've been on medication for a long time and see a psychologist. but this melancholia is worse than i've felt in a while. i've been suicidal twice in the last two years but this is different, i have no reserves left, i just took a financial hit, my last family member has alzheimer's.

usually i can crack jokes through the day, dark as they may be, and get yo the other side, but i'm at a point where i don't want to reach out, i don't want to smile i don't want to work or dress or eat. and doing these things just drains me more. i don't find myself feeling better at the end of a work day as i have in the past because i'm just exhausted.

i don't want to give specifics because i don't want to be identifiable, but my life has been chaos and i've been drowning for the last six months, now everyone expects us all to go back to normal but they didn't have my year, sure on the outside it looks like i'm ok, i have a home and a job, but i have nothing else, i've lost so much since 2015 my life is almost unrecognisable.

@hellen

Hello @hellen

Thought I'd write you a note to say Hi and see how you are at the moment

I read your note from yesterday and you have mentioned not feeling too flash for quite a long time.

The passing of your neighbour, the diagnosis with Alzheimer's of your last family member, plus the financial issues seem to have drained your emotional resources as well as everything else.

I can say that unless you were living very close by or you know someone else who is a forum member, it is extremely unlikely that your circumstances would be such as to make your identity known. However, I am aware that we often do feel concerned that somehow we might let something go through that we might not want to be known.

Whatever our situations and as much or as little as we know about each other, we can still respond to each other's concerns, fears, anxiety. Those are the three words that immediately come to mind for me so I can be identified in that way. However it is through those feelings and emotions that we know each other on this forum, and it is with regard to them that we offer and receive assistance to, for, through and from each other.

While we are sorry about the circumstances, we welcome each other for who we are at any given time. There are people in the forum community who came “in the door” wanting some care, attention and affection. Many, who are now able to offer that to others, yet still occasionally may seek some support themselves. We hope that, if you would like to, you will also find a space here that suits you at any given time.

For Now

Our Very Best Wishes

HenryX