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I've never been ok

MajaNew Contributor28 Aug 2016, 7:08 pm AEST

I've never been ok

Hi. I spend most of my time "being ok" and "fine". I've heard myself described as unflappable; a rock. When I was a kid my family knew better. I could barely venture outside and I wasn't functional. Anxiety, depression, blah blah, ocd, blah. It was a worry for people, a burden. So I built myself a persona to cope with the outside world, I got very good at being "ok" and now I wonder when the people close to me started to believe it. I get up, I go to work, I succeed and I feel every part of me is that exact same person - no different. But the difference is now no one knows me.

4 replies

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In response to: I've never been ok

AppleblossomSenior Contributor28 Aug 2016, 7:26 pm AEST

Re: I've never been ok

Recognition of our inner life is so important for actual communication and meaningful interaction.

Hi @Maja

In response to: I've never been ok

Unknown userMember29 Aug 2016, 11:14 am AEST

Re: I've never been ok

Hi @Maja, welcome to the Forums. That's a really interesting post. There often needs to be a gap between what we feel and how we present - particularly in the workplace. An aspect of professionalism I guess. But ideally we'd all have people and places where we get to be 'real'. At home, with friends, in therapy, wherever.

It sounds as if you've stopped giving yourself that latitude and now very little feels authentic. That sounds exhausting and unsustainable.

Are you considering reversing the process? Starting to give people glimpses of how you are really feeling? At home and in your personal life at least. That would be fascinating. I'd love to hear more.

In response to: I've never been ok

amesyCasual Contributor29 Aug 2016, 1:30 pm AEST

Re: I've never been ok

Oh god I understand this one. I go to work and get told I am the rock of the team, that I am always so positive and bubbly and this helps keep our team positive. Its what I am known for... little do they know i go home and cry most nights. I actually think faking it all day at work helps me cope, but at the same time i feel so lonely and isolated and like no-one really knows me at all.

In response to: I've never been ok

KurraSenior Contributor05 Sept 2016, 8:47 pm AEST

Re: I've never been ok

The fake it to make it /mask is a survival mechanism for me and I suspect others too. The workplace expects professionalism and in my opinion is imperative if success in this environment is the desired end product. However....... I also believe letting our hair down a little and showing that we too are human can enhance relationships with coworkers. Each and every person in the workplace experiences vulnerabilities whether admitted or not. Showing just a tiny bit of the real you/me is a strength and not as commonly believed, a weaknesses.

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