SunflowerGirlCasual Contributor
3 year cycle. (Long long story)
So. Where to begin?
2011 was a great time for me. I traveled overseas and worked in a ski villiage with my boyfriend (SO) (we'd been dating since 2004) we traveled and needed only ourselves and our van. Had the best year snowboarding and loving life.
Begining of feb 2012 we were traveling back home for my SO to return to his job (after a one year sabbatical) and I got the news that my grandmother had become quite sick in the last week and had passed away before I could reach home to say goodbye this amazing woman who I loved and lived next door to for 25 years of my life. Practically my second mother. I was shattered.
A month later, I had to put my dog down (14yrs old)
A few weeks after that I found out my uncle, who I had become close to in that last year while living Over seas had fallen from a ladder and upon receiving treatment had a cancer diagnosis.
All of this while dealing with a major lifestyle change of coming back to my hometown after being away for 14 months and finding work again etc
I also had some disappointment that my boyfriend hadn't proposed yet. I thought that he would know by now if he wanted to stay with me forever. But he just hadn't gotten around to thinking about actually proposing at that stage.
October of that year his grandfather had a terrible fall from a ladder and sustained bad head injuries and was in a coma for 6 weeks, before making a miracouls(slow) recovery to 90% pre accident health over the following 6 months.
I had a lot to deal with but remained strong.
For around 18 months
Then the stress of it all really got to me.
I was becoming more and more hurt about the lack of marriage proposal and I was growing more anxious daily.
My decision making was so affected that I would spend 2 hours at the grocery store simply picking up a few groceries. Because I couldn't make a decision over which brand of jam to buy. Or what I should make for dinner/which meat to buy.
I was crying at anything happy or sad and just generally panicking over the smallest things.
Fertility questions stressed me out and with irregular periods I was conjuring up some terrible fate.
I sought help from a female GP who made a mental health plan and tested me for ovulation and also did other tests to rule out poly cystic ovarian syndrome and helped me to make a plan for some weight loss.
I started seeing a psychologist who said obviously I am suffering anxiety but he said it might not be depression as much as suffering Greif.
I was "cured" after around 14 visits and a lot of $$$$$$$ I learned how to deal with my anxiety and techniques to cope when I feel panicked.
I felt happy to be patient and wait for my SO to propose (which he did around 3 months later)
I was okay with missing my grandmothers last moments and ended up dealing with my grief and loss.
The next couples of years have been mighty eventful and I'm not sure if the same thing is happening again?
I feel like I haven't dealt with everything that has happened to me / around me.
We had a great 2 years. My SO proposed, we had a fantastic engagement party and grew as a couple.
I started my own business and was becoming more successful as I poured everything into my work, friends and relationship.
We moved in together into our own apartment (not more sharing) and ended up having our dream wedding.
At the end of the wedding reception, while dancing I managed to severely injure my knee! Tearing a number of ligaments.
I still managed to go on our honeymoon and had to take pain killers to get through the next couple of months of physio/rehab
Injuring my knee meant my business couldn't continue. And I had to let all of my regular clients know that I couldn't service them in the foreseeable future.
During our honeymoon my husband also recieved a job offer for his dream job in a different city.
we decided the move would be good for us and our future family and then moved within 6 weeks.
Settling in to a new town with a busted knee and having no job was hard. It took me around 4.5 months to heal and get a job.
I managed to excel in the job and got a promotion after 3 months to managerial position (as my boss became ill and had to stop working) and I was the one who was most involved and had gained the most experience in the short time.
( I struggle mentally with accepting the promotion under the terrible circumstances- even though I applied and was selected for the role)
So. Here I am in the job with little direction/development (everything I've had to work out for myself)
My new boss is a very judgmental, impersonal person who is quite negative and I just don't trust. (She's basically a nasty person not just to me but everyone)
I have been in this new city for a year and have struggled to make any real connections and friendships.
I have been relying on my husband for everything who has recently confessed some things he has been hiding from me - when we were spilt up in the second year of dating, he was seeing another woman and never told me this whole time. When I thought we had only been with each other.
We were split up at the time and got back together afterwards - so it's not technically cheating. However I feel cheated. Because he wasn't upfront with me.
It had been eating him up for years and his guilt had stifled our intamacy in our relationship
I have been having troubles again, making decisions and remembering things at work.
I've been struggling meeting my work requirements and I have been feeling increasingly sad and lost and lonely.
I am about to go to the doctors for help next week. ( I have an appointment)
I don't know what to do.
I am trying to forgive my husband.
I have moved cities for him
I want to forgive him but it's just hard.
I am struggling at work and having to work shift hours. Often working late till 9pm at night so it makes it hard to maintain a regular sleep/excerscise pattern
I'm having a meeting at work on Tuesday to discuss my performance and I just want to quit.
I don't want to tell my horrible boss anything to do with my feelings or mental struggles as she will just judge me
I'm just mentally drained and becoming physically sick from everything. I'm overloaded.
I have never had medication for my problems but I can't remember my techniques for coping with the anxiety that I learned. And I can't stop myself from just freaking out - heartbeat, breathing and crying.
I know I just wrote down a whole bunch of stuff that maybe doesn't even make sense to anyone else
But if you made it to the end
Congratulations.
Let me know if you have any ideas
😭😭😭😭
Sunflower
2011 was a great time for me. I traveled overseas and worked in a ski villiage with my boyfriend (SO) (we'd been dating since 2004) we traveled and needed only ourselves and our van. Had the best year snowboarding and loving life.
Begining of feb 2012 we were traveling back home for my SO to return to his job (after a one year sabbatical) and I got the news that my grandmother had become quite sick in the last week and had passed away before I could reach home to say goodbye this amazing woman who I loved and lived next door to for 25 years of my life. Practically my second mother. I was shattered.
A month later, I had to put my dog down (14yrs old)
A few weeks after that I found out my uncle, who I had become close to in that last year while living Over seas had fallen from a ladder and upon receiving treatment had a cancer diagnosis.
All of this while dealing with a major lifestyle change of coming back to my hometown after being away for 14 months and finding work again etc
I also had some disappointment that my boyfriend hadn't proposed yet. I thought that he would know by now if he wanted to stay with me forever. But he just hadn't gotten around to thinking about actually proposing at that stage.
October of that year his grandfather had a terrible fall from a ladder and sustained bad head injuries and was in a coma for 6 weeks, before making a miracouls(slow) recovery to 90% pre accident health over the following 6 months.
I had a lot to deal with but remained strong.
For around 18 months
Then the stress of it all really got to me.
I was becoming more and more hurt about the lack of marriage proposal and I was growing more anxious daily.
My decision making was so affected that I would spend 2 hours at the grocery store simply picking up a few groceries. Because I couldn't make a decision over which brand of jam to buy. Or what I should make for dinner/which meat to buy.
I was crying at anything happy or sad and just generally panicking over the smallest things.
Fertility questions stressed me out and with irregular periods I was conjuring up some terrible fate.
I sought help from a female GP who made a mental health plan and tested me for ovulation and also did other tests to rule out poly cystic ovarian syndrome and helped me to make a plan for some weight loss.
I started seeing a psychologist who said obviously I am suffering anxiety but he said it might not be depression as much as suffering Greif.
I was "cured" after around 14 visits and a lot of $$$$$$$ I learned how to deal with my anxiety and techniques to cope when I feel panicked.
I felt happy to be patient and wait for my SO to propose (which he did around 3 months later)
I was okay with missing my grandmothers last moments and ended up dealing with my grief and loss.
The next couples of years have been mighty eventful and I'm not sure if the same thing is happening again?
I feel like I haven't dealt with everything that has happened to me / around me.
We had a great 2 years. My SO proposed, we had a fantastic engagement party and grew as a couple.
I started my own business and was becoming more successful as I poured everything into my work, friends and relationship.
We moved in together into our own apartment (not more sharing) and ended up having our dream wedding.
At the end of the wedding reception, while dancing I managed to severely injure my knee! Tearing a number of ligaments.
I still managed to go on our honeymoon and had to take pain killers to get through the next couple of months of physio/rehab
Injuring my knee meant my business couldn't continue. And I had to let all of my regular clients know that I couldn't service them in the foreseeable future.
During our honeymoon my husband also recieved a job offer for his dream job in a different city.
we decided the move would be good for us and our future family and then moved within 6 weeks.
Settling in to a new town with a busted knee and having no job was hard. It took me around 4.5 months to heal and get a job.
I managed to excel in the job and got a promotion after 3 months to managerial position (as my boss became ill and had to stop working) and I was the one who was most involved and had gained the most experience in the short time.
( I struggle mentally with accepting the promotion under the terrible circumstances- even though I applied and was selected for the role)
So. Here I am in the job with little direction/development (everything I've had to work out for myself)
My new boss is a very judgmental, impersonal person who is quite negative and I just don't trust. (She's basically a nasty person not just to me but everyone)
I have been in this new city for a year and have struggled to make any real connections and friendships.
I have been relying on my husband for everything who has recently confessed some things he has been hiding from me - when we were spilt up in the second year of dating, he was seeing another woman and never told me this whole time. When I thought we had only been with each other.
We were split up at the time and got back together afterwards - so it's not technically cheating. However I feel cheated. Because he wasn't upfront with me.
It had been eating him up for years and his guilt had stifled our intamacy in our relationship
I have been having troubles again, making decisions and remembering things at work.
I've been struggling meeting my work requirements and I have been feeling increasingly sad and lost and lonely.
I am about to go to the doctors for help next week. ( I have an appointment)
I don't know what to do.
I am trying to forgive my husband.
I have moved cities for him
I want to forgive him but it's just hard.
I am struggling at work and having to work shift hours. Often working late till 9pm at night so it makes it hard to maintain a regular sleep/excerscise pattern
I'm having a meeting at work on Tuesday to discuss my performance and I just want to quit.
I don't want to tell my horrible boss anything to do with my feelings or mental struggles as she will just judge me
I'm just mentally drained and becoming physically sick from everything. I'm overloaded.
I have never had medication for my problems but I can't remember my techniques for coping with the anxiety that I learned. And I can't stop myself from just freaking out - heartbeat, breathing and crying.
I know I just wrote down a whole bunch of stuff that maybe doesn't even make sense to anyone else
But if you made it to the end
Congratulations.
Let me know if you have any ideas
😭😭😭😭
Sunflower
