Work changes, ambivalence, anxiety, financial struggles, substance use

Hey all..

I apologise in advance for my ramblings

I'm struggling with work.. I have no drive to be there. I have taken a fair bit of leave lately due to fairly minor injuries I could have(and previously would have)worked through, but also because I just don't want to be there.

Being a nurse was my passion. I have always loved the sort of work I do... lately, it means nothing to me.

Then the anxiety kicks in...I'm scared that when I return to work after this bout of leave (I'm off work for plantar fasciitis and a possible tendon rupture) people are going to look at me like I'm lazy, like i'm a bad worker, unreliable, untrustworthy etc etc...

My usual manager is on leave, he has always been very accommodating and understanding regarding my situation and allowed me to take annual leave when I have no sick leave available. He has always been primarily concerned with me looking after myself, and has always told me that I have to take care of myself because I am great at my job and they need me back.

I'm concerned that the interim manager won't be as accommodating and I will struggle financially due to having to take unpaid leave, have to cancel psych appointments, and drop some of my training. (I am a powerlifter, and my gym time, training etc is central to my mental health and stability)

I guess I'm scared everything is falling apart, and I don't have the executive functionality at the moment to manage my time, finances, care for my husband (post major orthopaedic surgery), maintain the household, care for my pets and my ASD son, continue my training for competition, handle work stress and take care of myself as well.

I have to admit the last couple of days I have sunk back in to substance use to try and cope, even though my rational brain knows that by doing this I am risking my job, my sporting career and my health even further.

I feel like if I don't have some major breakthrough soon I'm going to sink to crisis point.