What should you do when things seem better before you've managed to get help?

Hi @Danzig ,

I'm probably not a good person to look to for advice, seeing as how I never figured out how to get actual help from the mental health system.

But I think the main suggestion I would make is, if you do reach out, make it clear precisely what sort of help you need, and what you want your life to ultimately look like. I learned far too late that therapists don't offer actual, practical help for real-life problems, or even advice. So it's important to know from the beginning that the helper you reach out to is actually prepared to offer the help you need, and will wholeheartedly commit to getting you as close to your desired outcome as they possibly can.

Regarding your concerns about being committed... I think that offering you any advice in that regard may be skimming the edges of the forum rules, so I'll merely say that I shared those concerns myself when I was in therapy, and that I was cautious about what I said to people there.

You're not alone there @Danzig. When I'm struggling and need help the most is also when I struggle the most to reach out for that help and trying to articulate what's going on when I'm in that place of struggle is a massive barrier. I've found it helpful to write things down, like a letter as you've said, to hand over for them to read- with this, I can take my time and work on it for as long as I like. The other thing that's helped is having appointments with support professionals, especially new ones, when I'm travelling ok- I feel like this gives me an opportunity to communicate if there's anything specific I'm looking for or that it might be helpful for them to know (like my general presentation when I'm struggling for example) so they know ahead of time before anything's happened, and also, it gives me an opportunity to meet them, which can help mitigate any anxiety I might have if, for example, they're a new support professional for me. I can tell you have a great deal of awareness and insight into what is and isn't likely to work for you in terms of the support you receive, so wonder if it might be helpful for you to say that up front?

I can understand your concerns about escalation of high risk too- it's really tough, though the protocols that are often in place, from my experience, are designed to ensure safety.

Feel free to reach out and ask away if you've got any other questions. Wishing you the strength and courage to do whatever you might need to. 💗

hi @Danzig alot of what you wrote i can relate to, so just wanted to quickly reply.

i too thought i had seen the back of my struggles with mental health in my early 20's... i am now in my late 30's and it has reared it ugly head once again in the last 6 mths or so, ive actually probably had an underlying depressive mood for some years, but i have managed with life ok.

i too struggle to talk, not for the reasons that you have shared, im just a shy person, rather anxious and just often cant find the words, fear that what i say will be wrong...( but in all honesty i know that what i feel and think inside can not be wrong cause this is my battle... but try and tell myself that) and i also fear being judged and shamed, i have also had many experiences where i have told people where i am at and it has resulted in a negative consequence. So, all of this has me suffering alone and in silence.

the problem however is when things get to a point where i really do need help... and i am at this point now, and i am seeing countless medical people, but i am not being heard or supported.

anyhow, i would really encourage you to reach out, writing a letter is a great way of communicating where things are at for you. i have done this and it has helped alot. i would like to do it more, but i feel judged, 'why cant she just tell me this?' thoughts echoe through my mind. and yes, sometimes a hospital stay is necessary to get things going.

i hope you find the support you need in real life and also here on the forums. i know that i have really appreciated the love and kindness from folks here, especially when its difficult to speak in real life, typing to a forum anonymously comes a little easier.

all the best

Thank you all for your replies, it means so much to me. I'm actually having an ok day today, I wasn't able to get online earlier, but getting your replies coming through throughout my day has certainly helped. The support forum I frequented in my late teens through to my twenties closed many years ago, I didn't realise how much I missed being there for people and having people be there for me. I do look forward to being in the right frame of mind to help others around here, just like the good old days.

@chibam you make an excellent point regarding being clear about what I want when seeking help. I hadn't really thought about it and I'm not entirely sure I know the answer, but you've got me thinking about potential positve outcomes moreso than just stopping negatives.

@TideisTurning I hope that demonstrating some awareness of my strengths and weaknesses from the beginning might help some good faith in keeping away from an inpatient setting and developing some trust in my self assessment of the risks in having me out in the real world. I tried to make a suicide safety plan and it really highlighted how difficult I am to make a safe space for, but in a way I see that as a positive, I'm keeping myself safe inspite of access to plenty of means to do myself harm, of course I understand why that would very much be a negative to someone treating me.
@Bow it's bitter sweet to know that I'm not alone in my big gap in my timeline of issues, I'd rather nobody else have to go back for seconds, something about feeling like it was behind me for so long just makes it feel so much worse, I can't help but wonder when I get through the other side of this when it might come back again. Maybe the key here is keeping on top of it rather than assuming it's all in the past.

There is another issue to complicate things which I didn't mention up front. There is only one hospital with a mental health ward within an hour of my home....... and I've worked there for 5 years. I'm from a techical background, nothing clinical, if there was a MacGyver job description at a hospital that would be me. I guess you'd say I'm like middle managment or a technical specialist depending on the day.
When I first started I was so anxious about being in a hospital, just down the corridor from the mental health department. Initially I had nothing to do with anything like that, but the last couple of years I've found myself doing assessments of some of the systems in the mental health ward, then analysing and reporting on data for one of the mental health services, those were difficult tasks for me, I felt like an imposter, like I was on the wrong side of things acting like I had it together. I'm friends with a lot of the regulars in the security team and I've heard about so many of the scary situations they have been. I doubt I would, but I'm fairly confident I could walk out of that place at any point, I just know my way around too well. I also doubt they could keep me safe from myself if I really set my mind to it, but I think that's far less of an issue, I think feeling like I was at work would probably keep me in line and just make me tell them what they needed to hear. So, I assume given those conflicts, I could probably request to be sent to another hospital, but that would put me further from friends and family. I guess it's something to consider if it were to come to that, although I know a lot of the staff and security overlap with our next closest site too, but I'm giving it some thought as a backup plan.

I'm just trying to keep the momentum going, I guess the benefit of having attempted in the past, I know when I need to step back and take things seriously. Self-harm is something else I really need to consider, I haven't caved to that either, but my thoughts have been more along the lines of how can I get away with it and I know that's not healthy. Having scars from 20 years ago certainly helps keep those issues at bay though. Perks of working at a hospital, my work is surrounded by allied health services and I found a psychologist across the road who sounds like she could be a good fit for me. It's really jus the referral that has me stuck right now, I'm considering just booking an appointment and paying full fee to get things happening. Something about telling a random GP that I'm suicidal doesn't sit right with me. Should I just focus on depression, axiety, stress issues to get the referral? It wouldn't be lying, just skipping the difficult stuff.
I think part of what scares me is how quickly and easily I came up with a "perfect" suicide plan, like it was a bunch of latent thoughts waiting for their chance to shine and while I'm having a good day, now I've got this plan in my head that won't go away and it seems to drag down on an otherwise good day.
Now I feel like I'm not really being me because I'm focussing on all the negatives, so, I also like running, riding my mountain bike and kayaking. I do a bit of 3D art when I have the time and love my cars. I'm forever helping people with cars, houses, computers and running training.
Thank you again for all your replies, it's nice to be reminded that even strangers care.

I could use some advice, or maybe just encouragement, I've made an appointment to see a GP tomorrow. I don't have a regular GP, it's so rare for me to see a doctor. I'm not great at this stuff, I tend not to do too much research for fear of diagnosing myself with everything, but I assume it's anxiety that keeps trying to stop me from going through with getting help, struggling to breathe and tightness in my chest, it goes away if I do something else, so at least I'm not having a heart attack...
I think I found the most suitable GP for me, local, seemingly about my age and she was (is?) on a podcast, so I got to hear her talk for half an hour on my way to work which helps me calm down a little bit, I don't feel like I need to worry as much about the GP, but the situation still scares.
I'm trying to write a breif letter, I don't want to leave things out, but I don't want to show up and say "here, read about me for the entire appointment". I'm thinking, maybe even hoping I won't use the letter, but I'm sure it will help to have what I want to discuss scripted first.
I'm trying not to panic, more importantly I'm trying to avoid cancelling, I don't think I will, but it's very tempting, it would definitely make me feel better right now.
This might be odd to say in my 30s, but I'm home alone tonight, I don't even remember the last time that happened and I just find it super daunting, there have been times where I seemed to only be safe because I wasn't left alone, that's not today, but with how things have been goin lately it's still at the front of my mind.
I really hope there is a sense of relief once I get through this step, I so desperately want to say that it will cause more harm than good and just curl up in a ball and just hope everything will be fine, I almost feel like I've regressed 20 years and I'm just a scared kid.

Hi @Danzig, just popping in to offer some support
It's a brave first step to go talk to the GP, and hopefully it will be a stepping stone for you to accessing further mental health support soon. It's not surprising that this is a really daunting thing for you - I don't know many people who haven't been really nervous about their first sessions. It actually takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable.

Taking a letter with you is a great idea, I know my own anxiety can sometimes leave me really overwhelmed and unable to convey what I want to say, so having something there to refer back to might make it easier. Even if all you can do is hand it over and sit in silence, you're still communicating your needs!

It might be really tough, but you've got us here to help you through

Thanks @Jynx, I really appreciate the support.
Well, GP appointment done, it was tough, but the GP was lovely and helped guide me through when I failed miserably at getting the words out. After writing and rewriting a letter I ended up deciding to go without it. I felt like that was going to be super awkward too. So I showed up about 5 minutes early and she was running early! So I got start off with a lame joke about her being my favourite GP already because I've never been seen early, or something to that effect, somehow the first half of the days seems like a week ago. All jokes aside I don't remember the last time I was that anxious, as much as I would have liked to keep that jovial attitude it immediately dawned on me that I was seconds away from a very difficult discussion.
Of course she preceeded to ask why I had made an appointment, to which I simply said that I'm having some trouble with my mental health, she was so very understanding and kept the pressure to an absolute minimum as I started with saying I was very anxious about the whole situation and that I didn't really know what to say. She asked if I'd prefer if we just work through some questions, which worked much better for me, I'd probably still be sitting there trying to work out how to put what I needed to say into words.
For the most part I was ok with answering question, but any questions around specifcs tended to make me freeze. Asking if I had self harmed and following up with asking how, it's a perfectly reasonable question, but it was so hard to answer. The question that really got me was after asking if I had suicidal thoughs, if I had a plan and then asking how I would do it. I don't know if it was shame, fear, or something else, it felt like an eternity before I managed to get another word out. I got there in the end and everything was so much easier after that point, the hardest questions were out of the way and I feel like things picked up some momentum from that point.
So with a mental health care plan and a referral to a psychologist I just have to get though making an appointment with the psychologist and the GP would like to see me for a follow up next week to make sure everythings ok and to see how I feel about medication, I just couldn't think about it today. If I need it I need it, but I had never really thought about it.
I don't even know how I feel now, blank? Does blank count as a feeling? I've run out of energy for feeling things, although I'm still aprehensive about the next steps, I feel like that will be a little easier after getting through the first step. I still get waves of anxiety, I guess I'm still processing everything from today, I'm either going to sleep like a log or be up all night thinking. Looking at the psychologist appointment is a job for tomorrow, I have nothing left today.