my life with Bipolar

At the age of 12 I was having severe mood swings. I remember one day iin particular where for no known reason I lost my temper. I ripped my cupboard doors off and started rilping out handfuls of my hair thinking I was worthless and that nobody loved me. At the age if 13 I tried my first attempt at suicide. I was placed in a mental hone for teenagers whefe I spent 3 months. I became sexully active sleeping with boys who showed me any kindness. Just before I turned 14 I ranaway from home because I had a dream that my step father had sexually assaulted me. My mum and brother eventually found me and put me on a midnight flight to Queensland, to my father whom I had not seen since I 5 years old. My father and step morher repeatedly bashed me for two months then stuck me back on a plane to Perth. I lasted for a week at my mums home before I once again ran away. I managed to put a roof over mu head by sleeping with guys but my unstable moods meant I had to move on alot. In one year I Managed to move 32 times. By age 18 I had my first child and was with a great guy who loved me but I became unwell and cheated on him tginking I was in love with this guy. We had 2 children in 3 years and after the 3rd child I again tried to commit suicide and was made an involuntary patient at Graylands hospital ehete I stayed for 3 months. This was not my first time there by the way. While I was in hospital my ex fiked a VRO against me. I was not in my right mind and sogned it not understanding whay I was doing. When I got out I was looking after my 3 year old. My ex was emotionally abusing me by coming around and preyending that wr would gey back together. When I found out he had been seeing someone else aswell and was looking to take my kids away from me I lost it. I drank a bottle of bourbon and drove my car to his place to confront him. He was not home and I knew whete he was and totally lost my shit. I damaged his house amd motorbike and was arrested for breach of BRO x 2 and willfull damage x 2. Needless to say I was imprisoned. My children wrre 14 months and 7 months old when I lost them. When I got out of prison I was under psychiatric care for 3 years. I was only medicated on anti depressants at this stage and to be honest I wasn't very compliant. I moved myself away from Perth and sorted myself out. I still had regular bouts of depression and attempted suicides but I was determined to better myself for my kids. I became an enrolled nurse. My good ex (father of my fitst son) was very supportive and allowed me visitation with my son which helped me big time. We eventuslly gat back together and had another son. But my constant mood swings and depression eas affecting us. So I went to my doctor and was started on two types if medications. This helped but not enough so I then started taking other meds aswell. Now as long as I take all my meds daily my symltoms are greatly reduced. I went to University and became a Registered Nurse and I now work doing FIFO work. My other two boys who are 18 and 17 now ate starting to want to get to know me. I can only hope that they can forgive me and want me in their lives. This is my life living with Bipolar II disorder.