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Gender identity

petrichorSenior Contributor18 Feb 2021, 2:24 pm AEDT

Gender identity

Hi,

Having a different gender identity to the binary is giving me a hard time about so many things. Is there anyone who can relate?

Apart from not really knowing how I identify myself apart from knowing that I'm not cis or hetero, I struggle a lot with lack of inclusion in most public settings, whether it's forms, facilities etc. even if it sounds contradicting to the first statement I also feel there's sort of a backlash with the attempts of inclusion. My generation seems to hear about inclusion and then talk a lot about how they don't understand and basically that they think it's stupid.

I find all that really hard to deal with and I can't really talk to anyone as I feel confused myself and I don't really need anyone who knows me not understanding what I talk about and confusing me even more. I feel alone and I haven't been able to meet anyone in my age group who understands. I don't know how I can change that. Younger people I talk to have a different base, knowledge, education, stigma...

I'm not and was never really bothered about any differences. People are just people and they can be anything between nice and cruel, but appearance, status, ability, sexuality etc is not anything that I 'see' when I meet people. I just like them or I don't. I had a big wall and thick skin most of my life, just deflecting all the horrible people that thought I was weird (for many reasons, not just gender identity or expression, not just being atypical) but I can't do that anymore, I've lost whatever I had back then, others impact me a lot nowadays and make me feel really bad and I feel really bad about myself anyway, so it doesn't help.

does that make sense to anyone?

2 replies

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In response to: Gender identity

Unknown userMember18 Feb 2021, 3:03 pm AEDT

Re: Gender identity

Hey @petrichor, I can completely relate. I'm non-binary (so also neither cis nor hetero), and I understand the alienation, exclusion, isolation, lack of respect, etc. that you can face. I can't wait until the world is a better and more comfortable place for people like us.

Feel free to jump in on this thread in the community here LBGTIQA+ Social Space 🙂

Also, I'm not sure if you've heard of QLife before? It's a service where you can speak with an LGBTIAQ+ person by phone or webchat about any issues you're experiencing in your life, including isolation, identity, and coming out 🌈 They can also help with referrals to other services (including social/support groups which might exist in your area!). Even if you speak with someone who's cis, they're good at listening and validating experiences of gender diversity.

I hope you can start to find some supportive community connections both here and offline - one of the best things to happen in my life was when I (gradually, over time) connected with broader queer and trans community. It has amazing effects of providing individual social connections; connection to a broader collective community and movement; and reducing social isolation and loneliness. I went from knowing basically no-one in the community 4 years ago to now almost everyone close to me being part of the community- and it's amazing. I hope you can come to experience something like that too 💗🏳️‍🌈

In response to: Gender identity

5amNew Contributor18 Feb 2021, 8:40 pm AEDT

Re: Gender identity

Hi there!

I can't offer much more on top of what girasole said, in terms of support links. But I'm popping in to say I can definitely relate and that you're not alone in this.

I suspect we're not in the same generation, as my generation tends to be fairly accepting of diversity. But that said, I grew up in a regional area that hasn't always been accepting, which was isolating in itself.

But I can say that I've also struggled with how people respond to not just me, but gender diversity as a whole. When I was in denial, it was easier to push aside and I had a higher 'tolerance' for it. But when I fully came out, accepted myself and started transitioning, it became a LOT harder to ignore and I found I took it on board a lot more because of it. It's still a work in progress, it's hard to be fully comfortable with yourself when society seems intent on 'othering' you and people like you. In my personal experience, anyway. Could that be a similar thing that's happening for you?

I sort of liken being non-binary to being an adult. I'm transitioning, but I still feel uncertain in my identity sometimes and feel 'fake'. Likewise, I'm an adult but don't feel like an adult at times! But there's really no right or wrong way to be anything; it's perfectly okay to experiment and find what does (or doesn't) work for you. 🙂

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