On Valentine's Day.

This post is really long, but feel free to jump backwards and forwards. The bold parts are subtitles.

I am surprised that no-one beat me to the punch in making a thread about this! I planned to write this when I got home from work last night, but by the time I realised, it was almost sunrise and I had to go to bed!

Happy Valentine's Day, guys, whatever "happy" means to you.

Just surviving is enough sometimes. All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other for twenty-four particularly difficult hours.. and when you've done it, recognise it. Sometimes, that's the closest you can come to "happy", but that's OK for now. If you're here, you've done really well.

Recently, I got a bad memory, from when I was ten.

I met this girl while I was in the park one day. She was really nice to me. I clearly remember her telling her parents that she was going off to play with me. I really wanted to see her again.

I must have told someone about it, because when I went to school, the entire class was there making fun of me about it.

I turned around to walk away and they followed me down the stairs, chanting her name, Ella 💔.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to people I saw once in my life, and that I still remember. There is no chance in hell she'll remember me, but it's crazy.. she's had sixteen years of life since then. She's probably married right now.

I was never seen as the "kind of person" to be in a relationship, and that followed me my entire life.

Sometimes people around me have talked about their experiences, and as soon as I add something, they change the subject. You can tell, they think it's kind of weird to hear me talking about it, because they can't even imagine me in a relationship.

I have never been one of those people that says that Valentine's Day is just a conspiracy, and it doesn't mean anything.

It is just another day, but it's a day dedicated to love. You can say that about anything. Christmas is difficult for many people, but it's technically no different to any other day.

It's not an obligation but it may be an expectation. I mean your partner's birthday is also "just another day", but you should still buy a present or do something as a part of that.

Unless THEY don't want you to.

There's nothing limiting it to commercial transactions, either. It depends on what your love language is. Personally, gifting IS one of my love languages.

I remember an article talking about how when a friend is going through a breakup, it may be tempting to say all sorts of nasty things about their ex, but it doesn't always help. That may not be where their frustration lies, and it may make them feel silly for loving their ex in the first place.

When people hate on Valentine's Day, or say that relationships are overrated or whatever, I feel the same kind of way.

Valentine's Day is lovely on paper, just not right now.

This is really rambly, but thank you so much for your audience, now and beforehand as well.

I might send a gift to the SANE Australia office next Valentine's Day 😉.

I really hope I'm in a position to appreciate it by then.