sally123New Contributor
My whole family has mental issues - I don't know what to do!
I'm giving up on my own family. My home life (not including my parents and sisters) is fantastic. I love my husband and my daughter is the light of my life. My family, on the other hand, is the only stress in my life and it's becoming intolerable. I don't know how to deal with it and it consumes me.
Everyone in my family suffers from extremely low self esteem. My mother has always had this issue, even when she was younger according to my father. This has made her hypersensitive and overly concerned with what everyone thinks of her. She's never had any friends. Growing up, there was so much pressure for me to be her friend. I was forced to stay in on weekends. Forced to go shopping with her. She's become a very "fake" person, and I've never really trusted her. She's shared things with everyone (including aunts and uncles) I've told her not to tell anyone. She'll say one thing to my face, then something completely different to someone else. Her desperation to be accepted is overwhelming and being with her is exhausting. She doesn't understand boundaries, she constantly fishes for compliments and expects me to have these overly exaggerated reactions when she does something for me. When I don't go on and on about how amazing she is, I'm the bad person that doesn't appreciate her. I can't have a normal conversation with my own mother, and to be honest, I can't even imagine going to her for any advice. It feels like you're dealing with a child. She once completely overstepped her boundaries as a grandmother (this actually happens every time she visits) and pretended her stomach hurt immediately after we told her to smarten up. She spent the entire night in the bathroom venting to my dad about how terrible we are because we told her she needs to respect our parenting.
My father is an alcoholic but he would never admit it. He drinks all the time, all day. The stiffest drinks ever. I believe this is to be able to deal with my mother. My mother constantly criticizes my dad, putting him down, making him feel like an idiot to make herself feel better. It has ALWAYS been this way, even when I was a child. And when I was young, I actually believed it. Now that I'm 30, I see how unhealthy their relationship is. A few years ago, my dad was pushed to his limit with my mother and would vent to me about how miserable he was every single time I saw him (which wasn't that often). He would also constantly talk to my husband about how depressed he was and how much my mom was ruining his life. A few years back, we invited my parents over to tell them we were expecting. My mother was treating my father so poorly and acting so crazy I ran upstairs and started bawling. I just couldn't take it anymore. This led to my husband talking to my dad about how unstable my mother seemed. Given their relationship he thought this would be ok, but instead my father turned on my husband and told pretty much everyone he knew what an asshole my husband is to talk about his wife that way. We were both so shocked. Our relationship hasn't been the same since. My father never calls me, never attempts to visit me. I truly feel like he doesn't care.
Then there's my sisters. They can never be happy for me. When I got married, they looked bored out of their minds while I was dress shopping. They complained about purchasing their bridemaid dresses. No one planned my party. They complained that I didn't announce my pregnancy to them before everyone, yet never asked me how I was feeling throughout my pregnancy or even attempted to come to my baby shower. Then I had my baby, and I get angry texts from them in the hospital the next morning because I didn't have my husband phone them. I had gone through 3 days of agonizing labour. Again, no congratulations. NOTHING. Just thinking about them. I haven't spoken with my one sister in almost half a year. She knows I'm pregnant. She can't even so much as like a photo on facebook. I have no idea what her issue is. She lives far from me, but came 4 hours away and couldn't even tell me. She had no interest in seeing me at all. I've never done anything to her. I truly don't understand what is wrong.
Then there's my other sister. I just came back from visiting her for a week and the entire time I felt I was walking on eggshells because she will get offended at the flip of a switch, just like my mother, and use any little thing she did for me against me. She has such low esteem and is SO concerned with what people say and think. She got angry with me because when she asked if I had a good time, I said I did and I sure love the city she lives in. Apparently she wanted me to tell her I love her and go on and on about how amazing she is. I had just hugged her and told her I loved her and thanked her for everything! It's like nothing is good enough. Now she's angry with me, using the fact that she did so much for me during my visit. Again, apparently I didn't react to her the way she wanted me to, so she's mad and no longer speaking with me either,
I just can't win. I'm such an easygoing person and I'm happy! I'm starting to wonder why I'm even allowing them in my life. They just bring me down and I know for a fact they all talk to eachother about my husband and I. They all hate my husband because he's not a fake person. He has the biggest heart, but he's not the "fake nice", "everything's wonderful" they're looking for. And that isn't me either. Which is why they all seem to hate me. Could it be jealousy? I don't understand what I did wrong.
Sorry this is so long. It's just eating me up.
