Unknown userMember
A lot of things all at once.
My sister is getting married tomorrow.
I have greys, so my Mum said I should dye my hair. I don't really like it. I don't know how many weddings and parties I have gone to without colouring my hair and I have survived. All of a sudden, it's a must.
Everyone asked me whether I was going to go to the hairdresser, to cut my hair as well. I said that if I have to, I will, but I don't really see the need, because just styling my hair will probably look good enough. They said "it's your sister's wedding, you have to put some effort in."
I'm sorry, but I'm just not that interested. I just want to get it over and done with. I am not really emotionally close with my family. I have enough trouble just surviving; I have enough to think about without going out all out for a family wedding. I didn't tell them that, obviously.
Her getting married also means by nephew's moving out really soon. I don't know whether I'll have a baby of my own, so it's a bit upsetting.
The other week, my brother-in-law-to-be was kind of looking at me like I was weird, almost giving me the evils, while I was playing with my nephew. I can tell he was thinking it was kind of childish, and weird given he's not my kid.. but in a way, he is my kid, considering the involvement I've had in his life. It's the closest I'll probably come for a long time.
Two years ago today, I got some very bad news, and it culminated in the break-up I have been so torn about.
I have to go to work tonight too.. I am kind of accepting that I'm falling in love with her again. I know she's not for me, and she's not the only girl in the world, but she's so beautiful... I just need to leave, as soon as possible.
Months ago, I talked about how "it happened two years ago." I kept saying that, partially because I was rounding, and partially because I knew I would still be alone at the two year mark.
I am dreading Valentine's Day.
I was considering getting a Valentine's present for someone I have a crush on. I was kind of excited, planning it in my head. I was going to get her Love Stories, the Everyman's Library collection, if I could find it.
I was looking online, to see whether people have done it before, and whether it's looked down upon. The general concensus was that if you guys are already friends, then sure.. but if you don't know whether she would appreciate it, then "don't waste your time and money."
God forbid I ever meet someone who would appreciate it.
She's a waitress at my cafe. I know, typical me, liking someone who's forced to be there anyway, not because they like me.. regardless, I'll probably go there on Valentine's Day, just because it would be nice to see her, and because I like coffee LOL. I'll probably say Happy Valentine's Day, and try not to cry.
I'm finding it harder and harder to believe any result is going to be worth it.
I'm about to turn twenty-six, in April. It feels like the damage has already been done. I mean nothing is going to make me happy at this point.
I'm just tired...
